Comments on: Resolving a Toddler’s Aggressive Behavior (Hitting, Pushing, Hair Pulling)

By: Stella

Stella — Tue, 11 Apr 2023 06:50:58 +0000

My 2 year old has been slapping me or his father in the face when he is upset like doesn’t want to get dressed in the morning or be told what to do or perhaps doesn’t want to be somewhere like Church or has become tired from the day. And while I am holding him will quickly reach up and claw at my eyes or nose and scratch my face sometimes pretty bad. He is very quick and will rip off my glasses and scratch at my face and usually my husband is there and will try to get my glasses from my toddler and stop him before I can even put him down. Obviously it catches me off guard and I feel vulnerable because I obviously am trying not to drop him at the same time as getting my face clawed. Unfortunately I think this very ruffled reaction is adding to continuation of the behavior. Not to mention I and my husband usually have somewhat big reactions telling him not to do that and that it hurts – being very serious and giving a lot of weight to the event and talk about apologizing. Then he will usually try to do it again immediately after and then he will cry because it happened and because people are upset and he will apologize and want me to comfort him. Since it is happening to myself while I am holding him and I feeling like I can’t be the buddy guard. And if I can’t catch it before it happens I wonder how to react in a better way to not give power to the behavior after it has happened. Should I just try to put him down in a calmer way and tell him “I can’t let you scratch me so I can’t hold you right now”? Should I try to act not bothered after it happens to not give importance to it? If he cries in apology should I comfort him or is that making a bigger deal about it and maybe try to be less injured. Should I try to avoid holding him when he is tired or somewhere he does not want to be like church? I have read several articles of yours around this type of topic about big reactions accidentally encouraging the unwanted behavior and some articles geared more toward toddlers interacting with others/peers in unwanted ways and you could more easily separate them from the situation, leave the playground, take them away from the other kids to not allow the behaviors to continue but what is different is that I can’t separate him from me. I can’t just quit trying to get him dressed in the morning or even if we leave Church then it is still me carrying him out to the parking lot – I can take him out of the place we are at but I can’t separate him from me the one he is clawing or slapping. If you have any advice for me I would love to hear it. Or if you have any specific articles of yours that you think I should read I would appreciate the guidance as I have read several but maybe there are others that already dealt with this topic and I missed them. He is usually exuberant, funny, and happy. He not an angry baby at all but this is repeating sometimes as a cause and effect I think and I hope I can learn to act or respond better to help him stop because like you said in your articles – he doesn’t want to do it. That is why he cries and is upset after. What can I do better?

By: janet

janet — Tue, 21 Jun 2022 16:08:34 +0000

In reply to Grateful mom. Hooray!! That makes me so very happy! Thank you for taking the time to share with me :)

By: Grateful mom

Grateful mom — Tue, 21 Jun 2022 00:55:32 +0000

Your articles have been so helpful for me and I’ve been seeing instant results implementing these techniques. I feel like my 18 mo old and I have had a breakthrough. Thank you

By: Claire

Claire — Mon, 20 Sep 2021 09:01:39 +0000

My son who 3 half been kicking / punching and hitting doing this but I’m not sure if he autistic/ adhd and he on waiting list for assessment for behaviour so it’s hard the moment until he gets appointment to be seen

By: Holly

Holly — Wed, 18 Aug 2021 18:26:46 +0000

In reply to Amy.

Thank you for this. This is something I will definitely try. My 21 month old daughter has been hitting for the last few months so I’m trying to find ways to stay on top of this. I know I’ve been a bit harsh in saying no and ouch and timeouts as well but nothing seems to be working.
I’ve noticed my daughter tends to hit if someone gets in her space, or if she thinks they’ll take a toy she’s playing with. Since this can’t really be helped much in the playground, do you think this method will help over time even if the toy stealing/personal space invading keeps happening? I don’t want to feel like I need to be her ‘buddy guard’ all the time whilst she’s at the playground.

By: janet

janet — Tue, 15 Dec 2020 21:00:58 +0000

In reply to Amy.

Hi Amy! This isn’t really something I assist you with in a comment thread. And I’m taking a break from consultations for now, but I recommend my associate Lisa Sunbury Gerber. You can reach her here: lisa@regardingbaby.org

In short, I would consider where these feelings are coming from and help your son to express them all the way (safely), so that he can feel and, therefore, behave better.

By: Amy

Amy — Mon, 14 Dec 2020 21:18:02 +0000

Thank you for this. I have come to your work a little late in my parenting journey but would like to know more. My 5 year old son has frequent aggressive and angry outbursts, directed 99% of the time at me, which I struggle to respond to appropriately. Often blocking his hitting/kicking is either not possible as he’s strong or requires me to be quite forceful and it exacerbates the situation. I know I have made many mistakes over the years but now I desperately want to correct this and help my son. What advice can you offer?

By: Megan

Megan — Wed, 02 Sep 2020 19:26:35 +0000

Thank you for this, Janet. My 2 year old is going through a hitting phase and I found this article & podcast very helpful. I find it hard not to overreact when my daughter hits or pulls hair because I’m so worried about what the other parent will think if I don’t punish or scold my daughter harshly. I’m working on that (not caring what others think). This morning my daughter pulled her friends hair and I wasn’t close enough to stop it. I was very conflicted with how to react but I feel prepared for next time and realize I need to stay close and “buddy guard” since it is happening so often these days. I listen to and read your content regularly so I can remind myself of your methods and the reasoning behind them. Thank you.

By: Kimberly

Kimberly — Tue, 11 Feb 2020 19:24:40 +0000

This was a great and timely read for me. I have an interesting situation: I work at a daycare four days a week and bring my two boys with me (8 months and 2 years). My toddler has been hitting children for a long time, and even though I feel like I’m responding better since I have found your material, somewhere along the way I did not respond well and this behavior has really taken hold. I can’t be his buddy guard all the time because I have so many children in my care. Usually when he hits a child I know he is tired and I would like to take him home, but I can’t because it’s my job. Any ideas on how to help him stop repeating this behavior when I can’t remove him from the situation?