Comments on: An Infant’s Powerful Moment

By: Karen Pickarski

Karen Pickarski — Thu, 02 Mar 2023 04:56:24 +0000

Thanks so much for highlighting this detail of the account—that’s HUGE! It made a “ping” in me when I read the author’s description, but your re-capping really “brought it home” for me.

By: janet

janet — Wed, 06 Dec 2017 03:05:08 +0000

In reply to Jenny.

Hi Jenny – He’s in a very common transitional stage and I would definitely help give him as many breaks as he needs. Here’s a post that explains in detail: http://www.janetlansbury.com/2016/02/when-babies-get-tired-of-tummy-time/

By: Erin

Erin — Wed, 06 Dec 2017 00:45:41 +0000

In reply to Sam. Totally agree. And would this story be such a success if the baby hadn’t rolled over?

By: Jenny

Jenny — Sat, 21 Mar 2015 12:09:46 +0000

I know that this is an old post but I am hoping to get a response because my son (whole will be 5 months old next week) is at this EXACT stage in his motor development. I am an early childhood educator and have always had a great deal of respect for Magda’s RIE philosophy. I have also been a devout follower of Janet’s blog for years. BUT…now I am a mother. I must admit that I struggle internally with the emotions that come with hearing my son struggle to accomplish new skills. It is so much more difficult to hear him become upset than it ever was to support other children through such challenges. My boy is currently able to roll from his back to his belly but he has only managed to get back to his back a few times in the past 6 weeks. He screams for me daily from his crib (at least once) because he has become stuck on his belly after or even before falling asleep. He kicks and kicks and pushes his little bottom up into the air and becomes increasingly upset while playing on the floor and I try to allow him the time (WAIT! I tell myself) to conquer this challenge but I always end up giving into his cries. It has been 6 long weeks since he first learned to roll one way, and he now does it with ease, but I am tired of the emotional stress and am beginning to doubt my choice to minimize tummy time during his early days in order to allow for more natural motor development. Could more tummy time have supported him better? Why does he not push himself up on his arms? Am I rushing him? How can I support him through this challenge without the tears and red faced frustration? How do I handle well-meaning suggestions from friends that recommend I get a bumbo or an exersaucer? Sheesh…motherhood is so full of questions!

By: Ruth Mason

Ruth Mason — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 13:23:10 +0000

Whew. I was all ready to say to this teacher, help him for God’s sakes! And then he did it. Beautifully written. And the articulation of lessons learned are so helpful.

By: ioli

ioli — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 21:41:23 +0000

I stumbled upon your website when I was pregnant and have read a lot of your articles with fascination and interest. I tend to agree in general with most RIE principles, but on this one I find Sam’s (the previous commenter’s) opinion to be on the right track. Infants want to know that someone is there for them and when we let them scream this is not the message that we convey. I’m not saying we should go to the other extreme and do everything for our children, but I find it hard to believe that by letting them cry while they are trying to achieve something we are really helping them. Although I do appreciate the advice in this website, I find that the way your articles are written creates an enormous weight on the shoulders of parents who are not accomplishing exactly this. For example, I have read about your first experience with RIE when you were watching your two-month-old play happily on her own for three hours and I honestly find it hard to believe that a baby so young would lay on the floor for so long, not wanting to feed, sleep, have their diaper changed or at least cuddle. I am trying to instill independent play to my almost five-month-old daughter, but she still can only manage 10-15 minutes playing alone, usually when I leave her in her crib first thing in the morning. If I’m by her side watching and slightly interfering, she can also go up to 15-20 minutes. But three hours is a bit hard to believe for a two-month-old! I also find it hard to hear her cry when she is trying e.g. to turn (she has not accomplished this yet). My words of encouragement or “sportscasting” do not seem to help.
RIE’s principles are an interesting way to go, but it seems to be devoted to nurturing just smart and independent children. What about interacting? What about happy, smiling, laughing infants? At this age, an infant’s favorite image is of another human face, and that is especially true of their mother’s face. So why should I not play with my child for the sake of independent play?
I would also like to hear your views on “hearing our children complain” when we are performing everyday tasks such as changing clothes etc. My daughter doesn’t like getting dressed or undressed. Her cries or screams won’t stop when I sportscast to her what is going on: “I see this is a difficult time for you. I am dressing you and you are not enjoying this”. So why shouldn’t I stop the cry with a song that I sing to her? Or by showing her a toy she likes? Is that really so bad?
I would sincerely like to hear your response.
Thank you and a happy new year
(p.s. english is not my first language, so I apologise for any mistakes)

By: Sam

Sam — Thu, 04 Dec 2014 17:36:15 +0000

I have read several of these stories and the theory behind it. I love most RIE concepts, but this “letting them cry” and “letting them struggle” is hard for me to accept. I do not believe that most parents can decipher the difference between “I need you, I’m scared/tired/needing to know you are there for me” and “I’m just crying because I’m struggling and if you support me with words only, then that is exactly the perfect response.” And I am not sure I would know the difference every time. I’m not sure I want to risk abandoning my child when they really need me to intervene and/or pick them up to be comforted.

By: Angelique

Angelique — Thu, 04 Dec 2014 10:35:13 +0000

Gosh. I am so glad I read this today. I also feel sad too, because today I helped my near 6mo roll over. She rolled over once on her own about 5wks ago and hasn’t since. I had started to read a few things about her needing to be strong in her hands and needing tummy time. I have read ‘the case against tummy time’ and watched the video so much, it brings me to tears. Our Dr and chiro and nurses ALL said she needed tummy time and so I would lie her on my chest, conflicted: do I listen to Dr! Or what I have read in a beautiful website?
So today, I began to doubt that I was doing the right thing by waiting for her to roll on her own. She wanted a toy and no I didn’t get the toy but helped her roll.
Now I am wondering why I want to push her to the next moment each time. Why am I living in the future with her? All that I have practiced in mindfulness and here I am, in the one place where it’s utmost important to be present, yet pushing her to ‘help’…
Anyway, I’m not beating myself up too badly, just noting and bringing awareness back, realising this tendency of mine, the doubt combined with wanting her to be safely happily able to get her toy. Yet, the waiting and observing is the ingredient required more here.
Oh and I’m also on my own from Monday to Saturday morning, as sole carer, so I am very tired so this could also be where my need for her to do things without me might be coming from. But no, I am going to slow down. With everything with her. I don’t want to give her the msg that she is inadequate because I am tired.

By: Brettania

Brettania — Thu, 04 Dec 2014 03:31:29 +0000

Janet,

I absolutely love the last lines (“Jesse will not remember me. He will not remember this moment in his life. But the time we spent together, the time when I waited instead of helping, this time becomes who he is as a person, and much more than just a memory.”) Sometimes others comment to me that a young child will not even remember their earliest years, so why bother to treat them with such respect and why do things the way we do with RIE? This is exactly the reason why, the child may not remember the details but their relationships and treatment shape who they actually are and become as a person. Lovely.

By: Katherine

Katherine — Thu, 04 Dec 2014 02:52:54 +0000

This reminds me of a story that my friend and colleague Anna of http://mamas-in-the-making.com/ told us several years ago when she was living in New Zealand about visiting her mother with her eldest child Antek. Antek was having a difficult time with something that day and Anna’s mother commented “I never let you struggle like that” and Anna’s reply was “I wish you had”.
This idea of struggle is a complex and challenging one for many of us. Anna is a self-motivated and actively engaged person, but imagine what we as adults would have been like if we had been supported through the struggle instead of having a situation ‘fixed’ for us?