Hello Janit,
My 15 months girls refuse to eat any kind of solid. She only takes milk 2 times a day. Every times she takes 4-5 oz milk. Her weight is 14.4 pounds.
I’m really worried about her.
Please advise something

I have the same question! Especially at dinner – is there a time frame (like you’ll have another chance to eat half an hour before bedtime). Or is it literally, you’re done and nothing else tonight? And if you had planned dessert for the family but the child didn’t follow dinner rules, do you not allow them to have dessert? Or does the whole family skip dessert? (We have two kids so this becomes especially problematic when one kid eats and stays at the table but the other doesn’t)

I would also like to hear more on this topic because we share the same concern: our daughter is very much focused on eating, especially sweets.

Hi Janet,

Thank you – after finding your website and Instagram you’ve been a huge help as I navigate the wild world of parenting!

I think your mealtime advice is great but we are battling dessert and trying to figure out how to incorporate it into this model. Unfortunately we usually do a very small dessert each night – popsicle, whipped cream and fruit…. Not terribly sugar heavy but dessert none the less. What ends up happening is he eats very little dinner and still wants dessert, so we end up usually saying something like “finish your broccoli first” which isn’t in line with your suggestions. Any thoughts are much appreciated! Thank you!

We have never praised or encouraged eating and we have tried to be relaxed about not eating and trusting her. But now she’s crying from hunger. She’s saying her belly hurts and she’s hungry… but she won’t eat anything we’ve put on the plate. She just wants her safe foods (which are basically not at all nutritious… plain bread and plain pasta). Do I give these to her?! We sometimes put a small piece of bread on the plate WITH the other food (curry, stew, etc). She’ll eat the bread and ask for more.

I’ve read a lot of your posts but I can’t see advice about if you agree to go off and cook them an entirely new meal?! It feels like that’s potentially a slippery slope… I don’t want to be cooking different meals per day. That sounds exhausting.

I’m so, so lost. Mealtimes are such a drag and my husband and I are starting to really disagree… so now it’s becoming a ‘thing’ which is likely to make the issue worse!!!

A 3 year old has developmentally little concept of time, and limited ability to predict hunger or think ahead about it. While it’s helpful to set the scene for good mealtime habits young, if you’re seeing that your child isn’t capable of the executive functioning skills to think ahead “Bedtime is near, if I don’t eat well now Ill get hungry at night and then will have a rough morning tomorrow”….you are in good company. A child with a small stomach may really need a before bed snack to make it through the night. Metabolisms are different, while many kids “won’t starve”, kids can become underweight if they’re left to manage food intake before they’re ready. One of my kids is a picky eater, preferring raw fruits and veggies to hearty foods. I let her choose this, while noting she was skipping the proteins often…until the pediatrician noted she’d lost a pound an needed to gain about 5 to be healthy. She was 9…and not ready to have the level of food freedom we were giving her! I’m not chasing her with a spoon, but I do have to review the protein thing with her to stay on track until she becomes capable of choosing protein when she’s not really in the mood. This isn’t to say that parents need to hover and chase with food, or give attention for refusing to eat. But if your child needs a lot of guidance in the learning process, you know it. You can offer hearty options as the last food option without hovering and chasing, for example. You can note if for your child, a before bed snack is a must at this age (which may change as a child becomes larger). The goal is to let them make food decisions, but setting the guard rails as a parent is part of the deal. Perhaps taking the food plate for an afternoon snack when the child leaves the table will work, whereas a warning will work better with a before bed snack, for example. Natural consequences of too much freedom aren’t kinder than thoughtful parent consequences that give a child room to make decisions within limitations that keep them healthy

Thanks for this article Janet. I do have one question, how can you do this approach for time span of a meal for 3yo’s? We implement your strategies but they are taking 30 to 40 minutes to eat, meaning no time for dessert of yoghurt and banana(they get so excited about it) and cutting into short play time/teeth/books/ bed time that we routinely do after dinner. Would they understand the concept of time yet? Thank you.

Hi Teresa – It’s not possible to make sure a child eats. The best we can do is minimize distractions, have a calm, predictable routine with boundaries around eating behavior (the child must sit, etc.) and then trust children to listen to their tummies. Coaxing, demanding, etc., usually backfires.