Hi, I’m on the same boat. May I know if you have gotten around this? Tia!

I share sharon‘s challenge: i am not afraid of my 3-years old daughter not eating enough but of her eating too much. I have to admit that, when i was still feeding her mushes (6-12 months), i sometimes ignored her signs of having enough and tried to feed her more than she wanted – which i of course regret a lot. My feeling is that she often eats beyond what would be appropriate and healthy, and is almost constantly thinking about food (especially when she is a bit bored and also when she doesn‘t feel well because she hurt herself or was scared by something). in my feeling, she is sometimes interested to visit certain people and places mostly because there she will get more sweets than at home. I cannot change my mistake of the beginning anymore and so i wonder how to foster this inner clarity about appetite at this age. Saying no to third extra-portions, snacks and sweets all the time makes me feel like i create an even bigger topic out of it.
Another issue is drinking: our daughter uses water drinking from her bottle as a strategy to calm herself down when she is stressed by something. It has become like a compulsion that there must always be some water in that bottle. I feel guilty not filling the bottle or even taking the bottle away because i think she should always be allowed to drink if she is thirsty (especially when it‘s only water) – and who am i to decide whether it is about „real“ thirst or other needs. At the same time i am afraid that this habit may influence her behaviour i a longer term and would like her to find a different strategy to deal with stress.
What do you (and janet) advise on this?

My husband and I say “if you’re still hungry you can eat or broccoli or chicken” .

Did you find a good solution to this? Having similar issues with my son.

For the most part our we have done well with mealtime boundaries with our 2 year old son. Recently, and only on occasion, he doesn’t want to come for dinner (even when he hasn’t eaten since lunch – is he over hungry?). My husband and I were brainstorming ideas last night and I’m wondering if you have any suggestions. To paint a picture: we will give him plenty of time, and tell him dinner will be soon. We use a high chair only for when we eat together for meals. So I tried to put him in his high chair and he screamed and resisted. I did not force him to sit in his chair physically so I put him down and I told him to let me know when he is ready to eat (is this wrong?). Not long after, my husband suggested just putting the play dough away. I said that was fine so he put it away (he didn’t give a warning or explain which we see in hindsight was wrong) and an extremely long tantrum ensued. We did our best to let it ride its course. Eventually he sat down to eat but was still having spurts of yelling and crying (hadn’t released it all?) and we ended up giving him some yogurt and honey (which is all he ended up eating).

If your child refuses to come to the table, do you have a suggestion for what to do? Do we give him an amount of time to choose on his own to come over or does he need physical help to transition? If he does need help, what do I do if the only way to get him in his chair would be to force him (I don’t feel okay with that)? Do we give him another chance a bit later?

My husband and I decided that if he didn’t want to eat we would tell him we’d try again in a little bit and then give him another 10-15 mins then try putting him in his chair again and otherwise end meal time. We don’t eat in courses so if he does come over after we’ve given him another chance wanting to eat do we let him go hungry? I also had trouble imagining eating my meal and refusing to give him food if he changed his mind (might be a trigger for me to eat in front of him but refuse to give him food).

Thanks.

Great advice! My 3 yo son has always been a joy to feed and eat with—even in restaurants. I credit ellyn satter’s DOR, French kids eat everything, and bringing up Bebe. I have always done clear mealtimes, no pressure to eat or not, and never once offered an alternative if he decided not to eat. He loves trying new foods and does without anxiety—I believe because, if he doesn’t like it, he can always turn it down and eat what he does like that’s on the table. Last night we went to a fancy dinner out and he ate, in addition to plenty of bread and butter, octopus, trout, shittakes, tomato tart, foie gras, leeks, steak and sorbet.

Hello, I don’t understand why you would only offer a piece of cheese or fruit when your child came back to the table after getting down to play? Could you not offer the plate of food he’d previously not wanted AND the cheese / fruit to see what he truly wants to eat at that time? Many thanks! Emilie

Yes, we also eat in courses so our daughter has to wait. We would just leave her dinner plate out and she would go back to her main course. Now she’s a bit older we don’t really need to do that,she’ll eat most of her meal.