We were in sync! I love that!

Janet – just wanted to say that your examples clarify things so much. So simple. Thank you!

Thank you, Karin!

Kate, congratulations on 20 years as a Montessori educator! Yes, the RIE approach has seen me through the years so far with all three of my children. As they have grown older, I have continued to be grateful to Magda Gerber for the amazing foundation she guided me to build in the first years. Sometimes it has just been a matter of figuring out how the approach translated… For example, with adolescents (like your daughter) and teenagers, the boundaries became very important again…and also the autonomy, just like in the toddler years. Cell phones make this a little easier. The children can go to the movies or just hang out with their friends and be picked up afterwards starting at 12 or 13 (or even younger). My teenagers went through phases of being very critical and rejecting of me and I understood that, but didn’t put up with it. For example, we might be getting ready to go somewhere (like shopping) together and if my child was treating me in an unkind manner, I’d turn the car around and take her home. I’d calmly say, “I don’t hang out with people that treat me that way.” These are healthy pulling away periods and they pass when we are not judgmental or rejecting, even when our children are. As the adult in the relationship, I rose above it. My love was always unconditional.

Regarding the friend drama (or boyfriend drama), it’s usually about restraint and listening, just like with babies. Even when my children complain about their friends, I have to refrain from agreeing too much, joining in the criticism or trying to fix the situation. I’ve learned to give advice only when asked and then give it very minimally. I have reminded myself to be quiet and listen, listen, listen and that has allowed me to remain a trusted confidant. The vast majority of the time, I thoroughly enjoy spending time with my children. They are very good people.