Comments on: Healing Babies With Respect – 3 Small Changes That Foster Confidence And Trust

By: Carly

Carly — Thu, 05 Sep 2019 23:46:46 +0000

In reply to Deb. Amazing what a beautiful, committed medical professional.. making every little difference she can and inspiring peers and parents around her thank you Janet & Magda

By: Laura

Laura — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 01:49:27 +0000

I am a child life specialist and I also talk to all my patients in the special care unit and on pediatrics; I can confirm it makes a huge difference.

By: Machin

Machin — Sun, 07 Sep 2014 17:56:27 +0000

This is a brilliant post. Thank you so much for writing and sharing it. My wife (Meg) and I currently have a baby in the NICU. She’s been there for a month so far and will likely be there for a while longer.
We follow Janet’s blog pretty closely and have wondered how to integrate RIE into our daily interactions. While she’s in the NICU it isn’t so hard, as she isn’t very mobile yet. We do everything you mentioned and you’re absolutely right, it makes a world of difference.
One of the things we do daily is a dressing change. She has a giant omphalocele–basically her liver, stomach and small bowel are in a contained sac outside of her body. Because of this we have to apply antibiotic cream and wrap her abdomen in gauze and compression bandages everyday. She almost never cries. We talk her through each part, from the unwrapping of the old to the final placement of her monitor leads. She just looks up at us, sucks on her pacifier and waits! All of her nurses and doctors remark at how calm she is. She has a remarkable attention span, as you mentioned.

It is safe to say we completely support the RIE methods. Moving forward we know that will need to modify those methods to support our family. Eventually we will come upon some developmental delays, as our daughter will not be able to choose her own timeline for tummy time and things like that. So we may not be able to follow her cues in that regard. But we make every effort to give her the space she requires and respect her as a person. And it pays off!

Thank you so much for your insightful words.

Gratefully yours,
Two tired moms!

By: janet

janet — Tue, 04 Mar 2014 21:26:14 +0000

In reply to Amy. Amy, thank you for sharing. I've used that one myself!

By: Amy

Amy — Tue, 04 Mar 2014 20:18:35 +0000

At the start of this post you make the point that babies, the elderly and those who are ailing are the most vulnerable members of society and should be treated with more thoughtfulness and respect. Whenever I am unsure how to respond to my boys I try to picture myself with Alzheimer’s and living in their homes. How would I want them to treat me? That image has been a great help to me when we are ‘in the moment’ and I don’t know what to do next.

By: janet

janet — Sun, 14 Apr 2013 04:04:33 +0000

In reply to Michelle.

Michelle, our children have been listening to every word we’ve uttered from the moment they were born (and even in the womb). They know the way we speak to others and they have always understood volumes more than they could express. What message do we send children when we suddenly talk to them like they’re imbeciles? I don’t doubt it stops tantrums in their tracks when children hear their parents speak so strangely. Perhaps Karp believes we have calmed them and made them happy?!

When we make a loud “shhhh” noise directly into and infant’s ear while also rocking her and shoving a pacifier into her mouth (I’ve seen Karp’s appalling video demo of this), we overload their senses and shut them down. Karp seems to foolishly believe this is “success” — a quiet baby! Karp’s way of making babies quiet isn’t “happy” OR healthy.

By: Deb

Deb — Mon, 15 Oct 2012 17:07:56 +0000

It’s so nice to see this article! So often children with medical issues are only seen as “the patient” and not as a “child” first. They are infants and children.
Medical professionals that see babies and children as just that, will have a completely different experience and much greater success with children and families than those that don’t.
We have way too much experience with this topic. Our older son spent five long months in two different NICU’s. He also spent many many more months in and out of PICU’s throughout his life. Appointments, tests, procedures… standard, and part of life for him.
As parents, we quickly learned that nurses, doctors, therapists and others that interacted with our son, for the most part were not “natural” at treating him with respect. We often had to speak with them about what worked for him, how he needed things to be done, what was and was not helpful. We had to tell them to talk “to him”, not “about him”…. that it was important to include him in some conversations, but not in ALL conversations. We had to remind them that this was HIS body, and not just an object for them to “practice medicine on”… it was important for them to explain things to all of us and to give time for us to help him process his thoughts and feelings. It is sad, but true. There were only a few who really seemed to grasp that children truly are children… showing respect, and earning that child’s trust are the keys to a positive relationship.
We still work hard at speaking to medical professionals about patient and family-centric care. It’s vitally important especially for children who have significantly complex health care needs, but also for the typical child going into the ER for a broken bone, or the OR for ear tubes. All children deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.

By: Fawn

Fawn — Sun, 14 Oct 2012 02:45:56 +0000

I just brought my baby girl home from the NICU after spending 7 of the longest weeks of my life there. Thank you to the nurse for practicing this with her babies, I think it’s awesome that you are pushing yourself to be an even better nurse despite the long hours and intense work load. You are beyond appreciated and have inspired me to set some new parenting goals at home.

By: Kate

Kate — Sat, 15 Sep 2012 05:01:24 +0000

Thank you Elizabeth. This was so heartening to someone who’s had some bad experiences with medical professionals. Wonderful letter!

By: Kara

Kara — Sun, 09 Sep 2012 01:28:53 +0000

This was a great article! My daughter spent 3 1/2 months in the NICU (she was born 3 months early). Most of our nurses were great, but some of them felt it was best for her to have a completely quiet room so that it would be more like being in the womb. The developmental specialist in particular often upset me with this sort of advice. I once asked her if it would be okay for me to sing to my baby, and she said that I shouldn’t because it would be too stressful for the baby. I asked some of my more favorite nurses about this and they said do what feels right to you; you’re the mom. So I sang softly to my daughter and talked to her like a normal person because that’s what felt right. Now she’s a spunky almost 2 year old and she’s doing great! While she was in the NICU, the doctors and nurses told us that babies in the NICU will all have ups and downs along the way and that some days she would make progress and other days she’d take a step backward, but my daughter never had a bad day. She made progress every single day, and all of the nurses and the doctors were completely amazed with her. I’m glad that there are other people out there who agree with talking to babies in the NICU. They need all the love and attention they can get while their parents aren’t able to be with them.