I am coming back to this comment by searching your thoughts in thumb sucking again. My son is nearly five now and despite what I think are our best efforts to welcome all his feelings he simply will not stop sucking his thumb. He just says he doesn’t want to. I wish I could ignore it but the germs he is putting into his body bother me. I have told him calmly many times that he could be making himself sick but it doesn’t resonate. He doesn’t suck is thumb at school, but he will basically everywhere else. How hard should I intervene now?

Thank you for your kind support, Chelsea. I’m so sorry you are having this issue. It feels beyond the scope of my ability to advise but I’m wondering if you read or listened to this podcast I did with pediatric urologist Steven Hodges:https://www.janetlansbury.com/2021/05/problems-with-potty-training-constipation-bedwetting-and-preschool-policies-with-dr-steven-hodges/

I really hope Dr. Hodges perspective is helpful to you.

I live by your words as if they’re the bible. They really help me through this tough years with two small children (and one more on the way). I am struggling to find success when it comes to my daughter’s chronic constipation, though. I understand that withholding poop is her way of asserting control and do my best to let my 4 year old tell me when she needs to use the bathroom. The second she feels the urge, though, she wants to get off the toilet. It results in days (and days) of withholding, despite Miralax. The doctor suggested ExLax, a chocolate square, but my sweet girl would rather refuse chocolate than be told to eat it. I have explained why the ExLax helps, we have read books about poop, talked about how it can be scary, reflected on all the times she has pooped without pain, etc. I don’t know how to end the power struggle and get her a) stay seated on the toilet long enough to poop and b) how to have her take medication that will help her soften her poop so it’s not painful. I have once had to resort to an enema and neither of us can go through that trauma again. It felt like a violation of her body and brought us both to uncontrollable tears, even after explaining why and how I needed to help her get poop out. I’d be so grateful for some guidance.

Thank you

Do you know which part frightens him? I would calmly explore and acknowledge his fears and then proceed as I advise in this post: https://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/01/this-may-hurt-why-some-kids-like-doctors-dentists-and-haircuts/

That’s maybe the issue. When I read it here on your blog, I thought that it makes totally sense, so I tried when my child was little (like during change/bath). Just nothing. And so on. For a long time I have even had the impression that my child would not understand me (we are a multilingual family with no rigid boundaries between languages), but now I’m sure that it’s not the case. And yeah, I’m probably trying too hard to sell him something and at the same time to control myself as I was raised by a yelling mother, so I’m constantly make efforts not to yellow. Thanks for the hindsigh.

Oh, dear. The last thing I want is for you to feel stupid. Hmm… What is going through your mind when your offer your child this kind of information? What are you thinking and feeling? Do you feel like you talking to your child the way you would with any other person? A friend? Are you simply relaying some information? Sometimes we work a bit too hard at this and can give children the impression we’re trying to sell them on something, which usually doesn’t go over too well.

“…parenting has become more joyful and natural.” YES! That makes me do a happy dance! You’re so welcome, Adriana.