My 3 year old is having huge struggles getting changed into day clothes. She’s being assessed for autism and stays with me all the time, so there isn’t a rush, and we have plenty of connection. Getting dressed used to be absolutely fine, we’d put a special song on and she’d pick her clothes and I’d help her get dressed. Now the tantrums are extreme, the volume is ear-piercing. On days we don’t need to go out, I can avoid them by letting her stay in pyjamas. But that can’t happen every day. I’ve tried all your strategies above, and I am a calm person. What else can you suggest?

Oh this might be a good idea. I’m not sure what else we can do .. I will try and film some changes.
Thank so much !

Would you like to send me a video of how this goes so that I can help you more easily? you can send it to: janet@janetlansbury.com

Yes!! I am in the same boat with my 3.5 year old son as well. I feel terrible about “forcing” clothes on him, or forcing him to do anything, but sometimes we just need to get out the door. I just don’t know what else to do! I’ve tried connecting and relating, allowing enough time for ME not to be anxious and stressed, and I’ve even tried reassured him that I see he’s having a hard time so I’m going to help him. He’s even fighting me now when he needs to wash his hands after going to the bathroom. I don’t know what to do. I’m also in my third trimester and I can’t be wrestling or trying to pick him off the ground when he’s fighting me. I even try talking to him about it afterwards asking why he doesn’t want to get dressed or wash his hands and he says “because I’m three.” Well , fair enough! Then I asked if he needs help to do these things because he’s three, to which he replies, “yes.” I then reassure him that I love him and I will always help him when he needs me. So I feel like I’m trying to approach it like I’m on his side and I want to help him – but he still fights me all the time. I just hate feeling like I’m doing it all wrong or failing him in some way by not reaching him properly.

Fantastic news! Thank you so much for taking the time to share with me, Krista. I really appreciate it, and well done!

Thanks so much for your input. Regarding what these feelings are about, I suppose there is some anticipation/resistance about going to school. I found the post you mentioned super helpful; although sometimes, even when I choose for her because she’s overwhelmed, she just won’t accept it, making it difficult to lovingly help her get dressed when we’re out of time. This is also especially challenging to balance out with my other 7-yo child’s need to arrive early to school (although luckily school entrance is absolutely flexible). As I write this out, I feel allowing my 4-yo more time to transition would make things smoother in the morning but requires readjusting our routine. Thanks so much 🙂

Hi Julieta — Do you have a sense of what these feelings might be about? I would want to consider that and then in the moment, I would be lovingly decisive for my child, because they are showing that they are stuck in indecisiveness. This behavior is a common way children express feeling overwhelmed. Here’s a post in reference to a slightly younger child but the same ideas would apply: https://www.janetlansbury.com/2014/03/how-to-help-our-indecisive-toddlers-2/ I hope that helps!