Comments on: Biting, Hitting, Kicking And Other Challenging Toddler Behavior

By: Leann

Leann — Sat, 13 Nov 2021 13:15:54 +0000

I have a 3 year old son, who just constantly acts out with anger aggression.
He will hit bite pinch ect.

I think he gets excitement out of it. When we say like “ow” he’ll keep doing it. There is no stopping him.

He was recently revalued a couple months ago for autism, but I don’t think he is on the spectrum. I truly believe it’s more. He’s a very smart kid but I seriously think there is more.

By: Rose

Rose — Tue, 01 Jun 2021 00:14:54 +0000

Hi everyone,
I need one advice regarding my 3 year old son. He just turned 3 a month ago. He has been hitting, pushing, slapping, pinching, biting… he only bites me and hits other children in class. He is defiant and refuses to listen/follow rules. No issues prior to this point… I understand that this maybe age appropriate but I feel this is something deeper than just not being able to express himself. He has trouble at school transitioning from activity to activity and following the rules. I applied for an aid at his school. I’ve had every test completed- psychological, speech, OT.
I feel like he might be diagnosed with ADHD in the future, but too young at the moment.
I can’t get him to sit in time outs without him getting up. I lose my patience because it’s a constant struggle. I have tired approach. I am losing it and I don’t know how to make this situation better.

By: Amelia Alvarado

Amelia Alvarado — Wed, 17 Mar 2021 19:39:27 +0000

In reply to Kelly. Kelly, i just wanted to let you know you are not alone. My almost three year old has been hitting, biting and face scratching since she was about a year old. I now have a 3 week old and things are pretty hard right now. I know she’s struggling emotionally with the transition and breastfeeding definitely makes it harder. She has hit her brother a lot. It’s hard to catch her before she strikes since I don’t always have a free hand while nursing. Obviously I have no advice to give you but here for solidarity. I live in a suburb of Illinois incase your nearby and need a mommy friend that won’t judge and totally understands. I know I need one.

By: Laura

Laura — Mon, 22 Feb 2021 20:13:30 +0000

My 17 month old has always been very emotional, sensitive, intense. I was born with a temper and I have been able to see that he takes after that a bit already! He’s been having small, frequent tantrums (with me only!) recently. Though he has for a few months on and off had them, though now they are more frequent. They don’t last long, I believe b/c of some of these methods – thank you so much! Though when he gets upset, besides from some of the more often discussed, he also puts his hand in his mouth and roughly pulls at his teeth a bit violently. He also will stick his hand down his throat (or tries). Should I stick with the same methods as you’ve discussed, as if he is hurting me? For example, “I won’t let you do this, I see you’re frustrated..”. It’s hard to stop the teeth action as it happens very quickly. I definitely try to stop the hand in the throat because I don’t want him throwing up. Any thoughts? Are these actions in the normal realm for frustrated toddlers? Thanks!

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Thu, 24 Oct 2019 10:00:39 +0000

Hi Janet
love this post any the others like this however how do we make caregivers in Kindergarten get with the program?
They have their own (professional) opinions on how to deal with kids behavior and will not change to accomodate our wishes (our kindergarten is a big inner city one with 10 groups of 15 kids with 3-4 teachers allocated to each group). Our son is 3,5 and is a wild adventurous boy. At home and on playdates he does not hit, bite or shove but he is now doing this in kindergarten and their approach is to remove him from the situation (the teach makes him leave the play areas and goes to the class room with him).
How can I compensate or prevent their approach from causing harm?

thanks

By: nic

nic — Sun, 01 Sep 2019 14:25:21 +0000

I love the “unruffled” bit – term is new use to me but idea is not. So…I have a toddler who is in a hitting/biting phase and my 7-year-old just CANNOT get the idea of acting unruffled under his belt. He either flips out yelling “no” or physically backs off in fear of being bitten. The toddler senses it and goes in for the kill 1,000 times a day lol. What do you suggest for getting young kids on board with performing “unruffled” to younger sibling? Separate them till they are in their 30s? lol

By: Ashley

Ashley — Mon, 25 Feb 2019 18:02:16 +0000

In reply to Linda. Verywell(healthy little monsters) so many helpful articles on behaviour. I have a 5 & 7 year old that display aggressive behaviour.

By: Dawn

Dawn — Sun, 03 Feb 2019 16:40:47 +0000

Dear Janet,

Would you please give me feedback on what I have written to a grandparent in the Under 3s PlayDay classes that I teach. I am hoping for any insights or changes you wish to share. Many thanks!!

Dear Parent,
I am so grateful that you are in our class with your son!!

It can be very hard to support and not overwhelm our children with our protective feelings when we feel that another child has hit/hurt them and hurt their feelings.

Your lovely focus on caring for your son and keeping him safe was wonderful to watch and I know that he felt very much that you “had his back”, which is so important.

The other child, whomever it is in any interaction, is not a bad kid, but just one who needs us to sit down at their level, to be close, to remind her/him in a calm, confident voice that hitting hurts and “I won’t let you hit”. “You both really want that toy”. I am going to keep you both safe, (as you get between the children with your body, ready to block all hitting).

It does not come easily for the grownups to refrain from allowing our own big, protective feelings of judging and then acting on this negative judgement towards the hitter. We can take deep breaths to calm ourselves in whatever moment we can find to do so.

Each child will have big feelings, express anger and sadness, This is part of very normal development. We help our children best when we can remain calm and come to them with an understanding that they cannot be reasoned with at this age in this moment..

While I was helping the other child with their feelings and behavior, I saw you comforting your son and choosing not to engage in blaming the other child. Bravo, and I am writing this to thank you for your very positive presence in our class!!

By: Daphne

Daphne — Fri, 04 Jan 2019 10:58:54 +0000

I have a 13 month old who hits constantly. He has been doing it for a while too. He hits when he is happy or sad. I try the advice above (calmly holding his hands and telling him I won’t allow him to hit) which is all well and good but what about when he’s hitting me during diaper changes where I don’t really want to take the time to hold his hand and tell him I won’t let him hit me because I need to get a diaper on him before he runs away? Or when he hits the 3 year old which he does nearly nonstop. I’ve told her to hold his hands and tell him she won’t allow to him to hit too, if I’m in the middle doing something and can’t immidetely physically intervene but she’s only three and his barage is nearly constant. He barely ever hits the 6 year old strangely. I’m not sure if this approach is working and am not sure what to do. Any advice?

By: Kate Dubensky

Kate Dubensky — Wed, 03 Oct 2018 03:05:34 +0000

Hello, I really appreciate all the advice above, and will use these methods. I’m wondering specifically whether you would give the same advice in the case of a 15 month old who is biting while nursing? He is definitely doing it intentionally to get a rise out of me — because it catches me so off guard, and hurts, and I’ve yelped in response and he now knows it gets to me, and he now seems to do it for the rise. I am struggling to remain calm in the moment, because truthfully, I am afraid of how hard he’ll bite once he stops and it really scares and upsets me. It also hurts my feelings even though I know it shouldn’t. I want him to feel safe and know I’m in control, how do i counter that with the vulnerability that comes with having my nipple between his teeth? Thanks so much!