Please read Dr. Greer Kirshenbaum’s book “The Nuture Revolution.” She also has an Instagram page. Unless you are an expert in infant brain science, I will not care for your opinion that ignoring any infant (defined as any baby age 0-3 years) is healthy for them at all.

I also used Susan Urban’s ebook ‘How to teach a baby to fall asleep alone’ with the HWL method and my life has changed. It is a pity that so few parents undertake to teach their children to sleep. Everyone thinks it has to be like this, that it’s natural and those first years are so difficult for them. It turns out that it doesn’t have to be this way. I am the best proof of this.

I’ve also used HWL training and I love Susan’s approach. It’s so gentle but on the other hand you get this simple step-by-step instruction. It’s so much better that Ferber’s that my ped is praising!

“It IS respectful and loving to help an infant or toddler to relearn the healthiest, most natural way to sleep,”

The biological norm for small humans is to sleep with/on their caregiver. You are the one promoting unnatural sleep by insisting that babies and children need to sleep alone.

Angie, your claims are not scientifically proven just like the rest are not. Sleep training is the exact opposite of anything natural and biologically normal. I won’t go into detail here since it’s almost impossible to open minds of “sleep trainers”. But I will say for other parents that read this blog, there are plenty of groups and support for whatever “methods” of sleep you feel fit your child and family best. FB has a great group called “Biologically Normal Infant and Toddler Sleep”. My 1st baby we tried everything to get him to STTN the way we wanted him to…and ended up fighting him and never sleeping ourselves for the first 14mos of his life. Then, when he finished teething (had all by 13mos), he started sleeping better and by 18mo was STTN 8-11hrs with a wake up 1-twice/wk. He’s 4 now. Come baby #2, we decided to follow his cues. He was EBF and we ended up bed sharing from 2mos. He’d stir for night feeds 2-3x/night first few months but then 1-2. He’s always slept 12hrs and is a good napper and is way more chill and “well adjusted”, for an 18mo now.
My point is: every child is different. Even adults don’t STTN 12 hrs. My hubby is a horrible sleeper and wakes every 2hrs. I can sleep 6-9hr straight. If we listen to our babes we can help them develop the way that’s individualy “right” for them. Parents, trust your gut. You have the closest connection to your littles and they often need you more than you think.(They grow fast and the first 2 yrs feel the hardest but so much is going on in their brains and bodies). ❤️

“We are the ones who swaddle them obsessively and stick pacifiers in their mouths and shush loudly in their ears” – yes, all of that might not be respectful or needed, but it is respectful to follow babies ques. It is natural to nurse to sleep and it is natural for a baby to nurse while sleeping or to help him transition through sleep phases by nursing or by being nearby. I agree that we don’t need to rock them, but for the first months, most babies do want to lay down ON their mother or father and feel that warmth of another body, to hear a heartbeat and relax that way. And for most parents, it is also what they want and needs.
If your baby doesn’t breastfeed then you can hold her or lay down next to her. But to leave her to cry and to deny her needs? ..

My son is 2yo now. Almost all of his life he went to sleep by nursing. At some point I used to bounce on a ball with him or rush into any sound I would hear while he was sleeping/waking up and I wouldn’t do it now, I would give him some time to fall back to sleep if he was not crying (I didn’t fully follow RIE back then).
I loved to have him close to me in a baby wrap and go for long walks in the forest while he slept peacefully. At 2yo he still wakes up during his sleep and calls for me. But he knows when he wants to go to sleep, he knows his body, he goes to bed by himself and calls for me to nurse before sleep. One day he won’t need that anymore and he will sleep on his own with me or his dad next to him or alone – it will be up to him (and us). And that’s for me is respectful parenting – to respect his needs, not to leave him to cry by himself and force self-soothing.

A baby is not independent in the womb…! However they do have an ideal environment so aiming to create that out of the womb may be one way to help a baby sleep better. Those ways are species specific and developmentally specific. to carry, rock, breastfeed to sleep are species specific ways to help a baby go to sleep and stay asleep. They may not fit with our culture that emphasizes the importance of independence but they are the ways human babies sleep – we can fight against it but we must accept the consequences!

I fully agree. If a parent believes that giving a crying child (6-months or older) a break, stepping away but remaining near to listen, and then returning to offer support, is in any way damaging then by all means don’t do that. Because what the child picks up are the underlying emotions of this parent. And if our underlying emotions are driven by thoughts of , “this is damaging”, “this is wrong”, “this is harmful”, “this will mess up my child,” then PLEASE stay. Please do not parent from a place of fear and worry. Don’t put you OR your child through this.

The child in this post is an 11- month old child headed into toddlerhood. This little one has a lot of ability going for him. 1. He understands object permanence. So when mom and dad step away they do not cease to exist. He knows they have his back. Because they have done so for 11-months. He has solid consistent data. 2. He understands enough language and 100% of the emotional tone of language, facial expression and body tone to know he is safe and loved and no one has ever left him high and dry to figure anything out on his own with NO support. The idea that children give up and go into a trauma response or abandonment scenario/narrative is most often an adult projection. I have learned in my practice that this kind of parental narrative often comes from our own internal fears and un-metabolized wounds of childhood. Not all crying is some deep seated need. Some of crying is rising desire, the rising will force, impulse and wants. And yes we will respond to all of that as well. Because desires, will, impulses and wants are to be acknowledged, respected and reassured. We are saying that all of you is welcome here. And all of you can sleep safely and securely here. And to be the best humans we can be in this house, this act of autonomous sleep is an act of self-regard, self-respect and self-love.

In this sanctuary of sleep we enter into some of the most delicious parts of our humanness. We go into the darkness, the shadow self, the subconscious and unconscious world. Ushering our children into this space with confidence is a gift that keeps on giving. I have seen this in my own children (now teens) and countless others. Sleep is the best free therapy we get and letting go with confidence and delight is a habit worthy of passing on as a family value. We create beautiful, loving sanctuaries to hold this precious and vulnerable part of our lives. The bedroom is a sacred space that holds us in this journey. As adults we sleep and make love in this sanctuary. The child sleeps and enters into the world of curiosity and creativity in the night. And in the day this loving space holds their joy of autonomous play and blooming creativity.

AND if this looks like crazy talk then this method is not for you. There are other methods. And after creating and developing this field of child sleep for 18 – years people often come to me after other methods have not worked out. Because sleep like development is ever changing and emerging. At some point, like this mom with her son, many families need to find another way. One way, even my way, is not for everyone. And one way may not work at every stage.

So what is a parent to do? Ask for help and find something that supports you and your “communicative partner” in making necessary changes to realize sweet, regenerative, sleep. It isn’t as freaky and fraught as you think. Like much of self care it just takes a bit of understanding, reframing and creative solutions. Sweet dreams to all, Eileen Henry, RIE® Associate and creator of Compassionate Sleep Solutions

I completely agree! I love janets advice on toddler discipline but telling a crying baby that you are leaving and will back when they need you is madness! They are telling you they need you by crying and they just see you walk out the door. This is sleep training and is disrespectful to the child. Children fall asleep independently when they are ready and it is responsiveness that breads this independence! Not walking out and the child learning no one is coming so they give up and get used to it 🙁

Aimee, if all sleep was as limited by developmentbas you claim, it simply wouldn’t be possible for some babies to sleep through the night very early while others do not. And yet many do.
Heather, the theories you are referring to pertaining to the 4th trimester are popular but completely unproven. Harvey Carp essentially made them up based on anecdotal experience. For example, studies show that that the methods outlined in the “5 Cs” are no more effective than any other traditional methods of soothing. It is wonderful if they work for you but they might as well have been written by your grandmother.
Both of these critical comments completely miss the point of respectful parenting: it is to respect the baby as an autonomous human being. Babies do learn to self soothe on their own from birth, it is actually we who teach them negative habits. We are the ones who swaddle them obsessively and stick pacifiers in their mouths and shush loudly in their ears. Janet is simply saying that if babies are given the space and the right supportive environment, they are capable of accomplishing much more than often given credit for.
Regardless, the question that Janet answered was about an 11 month old, not a 6 week old or a newborn.