Comments on: Teaching Our Children About Love And Loss

By: Honor

Honor — Tue, 01 Feb 2022 09:57:01 +0000

In reply to janet. I’m sorry to hear about Holly … my cat was 21 and I euthanised last Easter when my daughter was 1 year 9 months. She stroked and said goodbye to my cat. Then went i to our kitchen with her Dad whilst the vet administered the injection. Then I showed her the body wrapped in her cat blanket. Then we played in the garden whilst Daddy dug the grave which we often go and talk to her in the garden. The honesty worked well and she understood sufficiently. I shared sadness and tears but not extreme grief.

By: Tammy

Tammy — Tue, 01 Feb 2022 03:15:33 +0000

In reply to Brittany Gilroy. Thank you, yes, I have the same question.

By: Brittany Gilroy

Brittany Gilroy — Thu, 13 May 2021 06:00:42 +0000

Hi Janet
Thank you for posting this. My daughter Zosi and I were in your class last year and enjoyed it immensely. I had a follow on question to this post. We are having to put our beloved dog down after 12 years and have decided to do it at home so he will be more comfortable. Should we have our 3 year old be here with us? We have tried to explain to her what is happening with him. Thank you

By: Kristie

Kristie — Fri, 21 Feb 2020 02:35:00 +0000

Our beloved cat of 14+ years just died 2 weeks ago after a 16mo battle with cancer. While I totally agree that we should not hide the inevitable from our children, and that these life/death events give us the opportunity to talk with our children about serious subjects, I’m not sure I totally agree with explaining the exact specifics (“the vet will be giving him medicine to let him die peacefully”) with young children. Many reasons for this are already addressed in several above comments so I won’t comment further.

We were very open with our 4.5yo son about our cat having being very sick and having cancer. We talked about how we tried numerous medicines (chemotherapy, supplements/vitamins/anticancer agents) and they just weren’t working. In the last month, things went downhill rather quickly and we talked about how Luke was going to die, likely sometime soon because his cancer was very bad. We had made the decision to euthanize and had made an appointment, but our cat pretty much crashed over the weekend prior to our scheduled Monday afternoon appointment. We talked with our son about how we were afraid that we’d wake up one morning or come home one afternoon to find that Luke hadn’t made it. We ended up having to make an emergent appointment at the vet on that Monday morning (rather than wait for the end of day in-home appointment we had scheduled). Our kitty was so bad, that even our young child knew it was the end. When we brought Luke home from the vet, we just told our son that he had been too sick for the vet to fix and that he had died. We let him see Luke and buried him as a family in a beautiful box full of his favorite toys, blankets, and letters from all of us. Our son even wrote a little note telling Luke that he loved him and would miss him.

I cried for a week. Our cats had been our first “kids” and were here for 10yr prior to our son. Luke was a skittish cat, and didn’t spend much time with our son until the last year or two, so obviously our son wasn’t as bonded with him as we are/were. We still talk about Luke, and our son writes him letters or draws him pictures 1-2x a week. If it’s nice this weekend, we’re planning to go put the letters/pictures by his resting place.

By: Alicia

Alicia — Tue, 02 Feb 2016 17:27:48 +0000

Another great book, depicting a boxer, is “Snorts Special Gift”. It’s a family’s journey through the loss of their boxer. Being through this recently, a stuffed boxer puppy has been very helpful for my 2 year old who, a month later, still says “Bye, BOO!” As we leave the house.

By: Susan

Susan — Tue, 19 Jan 2016 11:31:41 +0000

Thank you for sharing.

By: Risa

Risa — Tue, 19 Jan 2016 02:29:35 +0000

We just went through exactly the same thing David. It’s so difficult, I feel for you. I was a wreck primarily because I was so distraught thinking about how sad this would be for my 3 yr old daughter. We too wanted to be careful about the words we chose (no Heaven or “going to sleep”) and yet be honest and somehow help her understand that our dog wasn’t coming back. Two things to add to the wonderful advice above… First – I found the selection of books challenging because many included ideas or language we weren’t comfortable using. The one I found that is very open, simple and to the point is called “The Goodbye Book” by the wonderful Todd Parr. It’s about losing a friend. If you don’t know his books they are very special!! Bright, simple illustrations that are beautifully inclusive. Second – our daughter’s reaction to the news wasn’t at all what I expected so best to stay open to anything. She has never been openly sad although we talk about missing and loving the dog. We didn’t over-explain at all, we let it go and have waited for any questions to pop up over the past few months but there has been nothing. She has found some cute ways to let it be known that she wants another dog but hasn’t shed a tear about the one we lost! This dog was truly her best friend. We were shocked but she seems to be just taking it all in stride which has been very comforting to us 🙂 Wishing you peace during this difficult time.

By: Carolyn

Carolyn — Tue, 12 May 2015 12:27:27 +0000

I’m sorry for your loss, David. We too are facing this situation with our dog who has cancer. I want to be honest with my 4.5 year old and I have had some discussion with him about how our dog is approaching the end of his life.

Question if I may? My son caught me off guard during one of our conversations and asked if he too would die. I admitted everything dies one day and he us now preoccupied with his own mortality. I’ve tried to reassure him that it won’t happen for a long time (touch wood), but he randomly says “I can’t stop thinking about when I’m going to die.”

We’re not religious so discussions about the “after life” are foreign. Any tips or suggestions on how to help him process a pets’ death without putting too much stress on him about human death? Thank you xo

By: Nancy Schimmel

Nancy Schimmel — Mon, 20 Jan 2014 03:40:58 +0000

I suggest another book about the death of a pet, in this case a cat, “The Tenth Good Thing about Barney.”

By: Sarah

Sarah — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 19:51:09 +0000

I’d like to recommend another book in this discussion, though for the loss of a pet it might be a bit over-the-top: Michael Rosen’s Sad Book. It’s the author’s story of losing his son to a terminal illness. It’s a picture book geared toward preschool and young elementary age kids, and is honest about the range of emotions the author feels.

http://www.amazon.com/Michael-Rosens-Boston-Globe-Horn-Honors/dp/0763625973/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1390160773&sr=1-1&keywords=the+sad+book