Comments on: 5 Best Ways to Communicate Respectful Parenting (to Friends, Relatives, and Strangers)

By: Martina

Martina — Mon, 27 Mar 2023 08:26:57 +0000

In reply to Jodi. Hi Jodi. I would be totally interested to hear what Janet has to say, but that sounds to me as if a respectful, non-threatening communication is needed. Something like, you really appreciate her concern for her development and see how important it is to her that your daughter turns out well. And then explain why you don‘t expect this and that. Hear her concerns. Perhaps she does have some idea you could try to implement - though your way. And if it should not work out in my opinion that would necessitate a boundary, like Janet mentions. Allowing the grandma to have her feelings about this, but you are the parents. But I would love to hear Janet‘s opinion on this.

By: Martina

Martina — Sun, 26 Mar 2023 09:09:15 +0000

Oh, and I totally love how you suggest letting things go! I have read too many comments of parents not taking their kids to see the grandparents any more because they disagree with how they interact with the children (the „you‘re a big girl, don‘t cry“ or even „we don‘t throw food“). So taking the stress of having everybody love what we do to be allowed to even interact with our kids is definitely a very good thing.

By: Martina

Martina — Sun, 26 Mar 2023 09:04:41 +0000

Hi Janet. As always so good to hear. Actually I had some very interesting interaction wirh relatives. Perhaps I mentioned how my brother-law was upset during the family vacation with my sons crying. He was actually close to tears himself and trying to bribe them with chocolates (I was cool with it, because one son ignored him completely, one took a step towards him, realized he was not done and jumped back to me to finish crying). Now this was not the first time my parents-in-law saw the kids showing emotions. The first time my father-in-law, who struggles a lot with depression confessed that it made him very uncomfortable to see emotions expressed like this. Now the other day my one of my sons was upset again. And I overheard my father-in-law explain to his kids happily that my son needs to be able to cry to be able to be his usual sunny self again afterwards. And I may be interpreting too much into this, but it sounded almost wishful, as if wished his parents had done this. My mom-in-law still believes in giving in again and again and then jollying and shutting down very lovingly. She is awesome and has wonderful instincts in many things parenting. But this is still hard for her, as it is for my mom (though I feel more comfortable giving feedback to my own parents). But how my father-in-law was able to go from discomfort to happily explaining that this is important for my child was quite astonishing to see, and extremely gratifying too.

By: Jodi

Jodi — Wed, 08 Jan 2020 18:57:35 +0000

I know you say to let grand parents go. But when my mother in law says something to our little or asks a question and she doesn’t respond who have a pleasant look toward the person that is bent down in her face, she assumes she is being rude, has no manners, and is likely ruined for life unless we teach her some respect. I know what our approach produces, but it stresses my spouse out until she is stressed and rethinking our plans. What do you do in this type of situation?

By: Juliana LaMie

Juliana LaMie — Tue, 25 Jun 2019 01:12:40 +0000

Helpful!

By: Katya

Katya — Wed, 22 May 2019 03:49:52 +0000

Thank you Janet, this is very helpful and timely. And reminds me that if someone is not open (i.e. they insist they are treating the child respectfully, but really aren’t – as in your examples with putting food into the child’s mouth or distracting them from feelings – perhaps feeling defensive or just lacking insight or introspection), that sometimes the best strategy is to let it go (within reason of course).

By: Karla Cook

Karla Cook — Fri, 05 Apr 2019 06:44:15 +0000

Thanks Janet you are such a calm inspiration. What about the “What’s your name?” stranger question…? We get that a lot and the silence is usually filled by the stranger saying “oh, he is shy” which I would rather avoid. There’s also the distinction between strangers to the child but known to me and strangers to us both. I feel like right or wrong, my expectations are different there – I expect my 4 year old to look at adults I introduce him to and say “hello” at least. Thoughts?

By: Kate

Kate — Thu, 04 Apr 2019 01:07:41 +0000

Janet, this is so helpful! I find myself taking these tips and trying to apply them to similar situations with my spouse and co-parent, who isn’t as on board with these techniques. I wonder if others have the same struggle and if you might be able to address this more specifically in future. Thank you for all you do!

By: Susan

Susan — Wed, 03 Apr 2019 16:28:49 +0000

This is a timely podcast for me as well! My mother is staying with me to help with my 2 year old while my husband is away for work, which is fantastic help in general, but we definitely differ in our approach to my daughter. I am trying to let most things go, however i am also expecting a baby in a month or so and my mom wants to stay and help then for a potentially prolonged time, so i am hoping to get her more on board with understanding the general RIE approach, as well as the specific approach to setting limits and how important consistency of those limits are for my daughter as we approach this big change of adding a sibling to our family. Your advice is always so so helpful. Thank you again!

By: janet

janet — Wed, 03 Apr 2019 14:41:43 +0000

In reply to Anja. Hi Anja! It is my pleasure and I'm thrilled to be able to share this approach, which has changed my life in the most wonderful ways. Greetings back to you in Germany! Thank you for your support.