Comments on: Parenting a Healthier Generation

By: Tali

Tali — Sat, 18 Jun 2016 13:31:10 +0000

There seems to be a trapping in taking social advice from bright, confident adolescents… But they are still in the process of learning this stuff too. Instead of “This was an attack. You should be angry”, one could say “this woman is having emotions, which are her own. She is trying to control your behavior, but she has no power over you to do so. She needs you to acknowledge her emotions, and express to her that this is how you conduct yourself in such situations and it is not going to change. She can then decide if it’s working for her or not, in which case she is free to leave your class”.
The thing is, all of this I learned from reading your writings so I know for a fact that you got this! If only you imagined everybody you deal with as a toddler (just with more words), it may give you a whole lot of clarity.
I like to think that it may help not feel as bad when under attack, but I’m not sure, since this seems to connect to deep-seated, old feelings of helplessness. I have those too, and would also feel bad for days from a situation like you described (even if I manage to flip to a state of anger, it is still painful). I think that this effect on us implies that deep down we feel like those people do have the right to control us, like we have to fight them in order to resist them (or avoid them, which is the approach I most often take). I’m not sure where this feeling comes from exactly, but I know now that there is a third way between guilt and anger, and it is YOUR way, that you’re describing right here on your blog. Humans are toddlers like toddler are humans. YOU GOT THIS.

By: Jane Roets

Jane Roets — Tue, 24 Jun 2014 11:22:44 +0000

I loved this Janet! Out children are very similar ages, and I too have been marveling how strong and confident they are becoming! After a rough junior year for so many reasons, my middle daughter had an amazing senior year and continues to show us strength, independence and confidence that I wish I had! My oldest and youngest are also “their own people”. As I read more of your work and reflect back on parenting my little ones I have realized that while there were many things I might have done differently, on the whole they were raised with respect and freedom to be themselves. Over the last few years I have used many of the principles of RIE and applied them to my teens and I’m certain that it has helped smooth the path! Thank you!

By: Iva Dumas

Iva Dumas — Fri, 13 Dec 2013 15:59:16 +0000

This is beautifully written. Raising our kids was all about supporting their gifts and embracing who they were (and are). We set some limits, however, never had to deal with too much stuff. We didn’t use guilt trips, no physical punishment, and we also set an example of living a Christian life. Thank you for sharing.

By: janet

janet — Thu, 31 Jan 2013 18:36:56 +0000

In reply to Nannyshare. Thank you!

By: Nannyshare

Nannyshare — Thu, 31 Jan 2013 10:35:38 +0000

Good points there … Janet! It was worth mentioning your experiences with your 2 young daughters.
I really enjoyed reading your experience with childcare!

By: janet

janet — Sat, 12 Jan 2013 04:37:57 +0000

In reply to Natalie.

Hi Nat! My first recommendations would be “Dear Parent-Caring for Infants With Respect” and “Your Self-Confident Baby”, both by Magda Gerber and available at http://RIE.org From there I would check out the “play” section on my blog (by lightly clicking on “parenting” on the toolbar and then going to the dropdown menu… Thanks so much for your interest in learning more.

By: Sandy Blackard

Sandy Blackard — Sun, 06 Jan 2013 18:44:31 +0000

In reply to janet.

Janet,

Yes! “SAY WHAT YOU SEE for Parents & Teachers: More hugs. More respect. Elegantly simple.” I’ve posted the content free for anyone to read from their PC or MAC on my website: http://www.languageoflistening.com

It’s also for sale in paperback or ebook from the iBookstore and Amazon.

Learning how to follow your child’s lead is so valuable, I can’t imagine raising children without it. You do such a fabulous job of making that case and teaching people how in your posts. I truly appreciate your work and share your posts frequently. Thanks for the opportunity to share mine!

By: Natalie

Natalie — Thu, 20 Dec 2012 01:29:34 +0000

Hi Janet,

I’m in Australia and am very interested in finding out more about RIE (My daughter is 3 months old) but am struggling to find resources. I love reading your blog but I’d really like some basic how-to with some explanation of the underpinning philosophy. Do you have any recommendations? I have no idea where to start or even how to set up a friendly environment.

With thanks,
Nat

By: janet

janet — Wed, 19 Dec 2012 14:11:09 +0000

In reply to Jennifer Lehr. Thank you, Jennifer!

By: Veronique

Veronique — Wed, 19 Dec 2012 13:25:51 +0000

My son is only two (27 months), but I already see the positive effects of using RIE-techiniques. He started saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ without ever being prompted to do so. But what I love most, is that he feels confident enough to tell us ‘no’ when he doesn’t want to be kissed or hugged. Love, love, love that.