Comments on: 7 Reasons To Stay Calm When Babies Cry

By: Stacy

Stacy — Tue, 13 Jun 2023 14:54:34 +0000

I just saw this and I’m going to be honest – all this information is wonderful in theory. For my first child, this worked. My first responded to my calm attention. I would meet the basic needs and if that didn’t work I would just sing while he cried. Eventually the crying stopped and I had a happy, healthy, cuddly infant.

My second came out crying. He cried in the hospital the entire time, he cried at home, he cried when I put him down, when I rocked him, sang to him, when I changed his diaper, etc. Sometimes he would wake up and just start crying and wouldn’t stop until he fell back asleep,

I thought obviously there is something wrong. Nope. I went to 7 different doctors, a dentist, and a chiropractor. Nothing. Physically he’s a completely healthy baby, He is actually ahead of his milestones – started crawling, sitting, pulling up to standing early. The only thing is that he cried all the time.

He stopped crying all the time at 7 months. Now he’s 8 month and instead of crying 80% of the day, he cries about 60% of the day. He also has low sleep needs which I was told can be normal – he sleeps with naps 7 hours a day. Honestly, he’s impressively demanding.

Calm doesn’t exist anymore. My body is constantly in a state of flight or fight. There is no way for me to get self care without listening to the crying. Our support system will not watch him because he’s challenging and the babysitter we tried called back after 45 minutes saying that he cries the whole time. I feel extremely bad for our eldest who didn’t make a choice to have a sibling, especially one that is so loud and demanding.

I can logically feel calm. I can logically say I need to be calm but my body feels anything but calm. I can take big deep breaths to activate the logical part of my brain but it does nothing for my body. Since the birth of our second I have developed high blood pressure and arthritis from the stress. My body is constantly in a state of anxiety.

This bit of advice doesn’t work for a parent with a challenging baby and no support system. To be fair, that is probably not the targeted audience. Unfortunately that’s the group that needs the best toolbox.

By: janet

janet — Mon, 04 Jul 2022 17:09:52 +0000

In reply to Andrew. Hi Andrew. That's a good question that I, unfortunately, don't have the answer to. Have you tried noise-canceling headphones? Are there other self-calming strategies that work for you?

By: Andrew

Andrew — Mon, 04 Jul 2022 10:06:49 +0000

Hello Janet. I was wondering if you have any advice for this technique when you have autism and the sound of a baby crying can be overwhelming. I have earplugs to take the edge off but there’s still an element of sensory overload.

By: Eleftheria

Eleftheria — Sat, 01 Jan 2022 06:27:08 +0000

In reply to janet. Hi Janet, could you please clarify which culture you are referring to?

By: Noeleen Lang

Noeleen Lang — Fri, 19 Mar 2021 19:31:59 +0000

In reply to janet.

Excellent resource thank you!!
I’d like to share to my private Facebook group with permission please?
My group is “mother to mother’s collaboration with professionals” I’m a postpartum doula, sleep consultant
Doulabasics.com

By: Mona

Mona — Fri, 19 Mar 2021 18:48:54 +0000

Dear Janet
We try to let him cry (5month). But sometimes he gets more and more panicy,high intensity until I have the feeling it’s really too much. I guess my own anxiety and panic that I had as a child gets triggered because I was left alone sometimes. So I dont want him to disconnect in panic so I change position or distract for a bit until his cry gets “less intense”. Is that then not allowing him to fully cry or protecting him from dissociation/panic??? Thank you

By: janet

janet — Sat, 29 Feb 2020 15:45:11 +0000

In reply to Be. You are offering soothing right from the beginning through your presence, holding, gentle words. Singing or gently rocking is lovely, too. All from a place of calm.

By: Be

Be — Sat, 29 Feb 2020 10:45:55 +0000

Thanks for your article. Curious- at what point would you say it is ok to offer soothing instead of just listening to them- because rocking them or singing or such can feel loving and calming to them/their nervous system and isn’t it important for them to also experience being soothed and to experience us helping them regulate?

By: Em

Em — Fri, 06 Sep 2019 10:35:46 +0000

I am 57 years old, and my parents were devotees of Dr. Spock. They didn’t pick me up when I cried. They shut the door to let me cry it out. When they talk about how they raised me and my three younger sisters, they refer to us “howling” and their own resistance to spoiling us. I trust their accounts because they reacted the same way when my son was an infant, and told me that picking him up when he cried–as a newborn–would ruin him. He had undergone extensive surgery after birth, and for months I not only carried him in a baby carrier wrap, but also slept with him nestled next to me. I believe that contact–that presence during a painful and scary ordeal–was essential. Babies have no words for pain. But here’s the thrust of my message: in later years, in therapy, I remembered being spanked for crying because I got spanked. In other words, I was not allowed to cry after being struck. This was one of many ways in which the expression of pain was denied me, and it created multiple lifelong problems including an eating disorder, depression and anxiety, sleep problems, and terrible self-esteem. We have yet to understand the profound effects of emotional neglect, repression of crying being one of them. I say hold babies often and as long as they need. Human beings need attachment to survive and thrive, and we as parents deny that at our peril.

By: janet

janet — Thu, 11 Jul 2019 21:25:01 +0000

In reply to janet. Never mind, I decided to cut the reference. Not worth the headache. Thanks again for your feedback.