Comments on: Setting Limits With Respect – What It Sounds Like (Podcast)

By: Jessica

Jessica — Sat, 06 Mar 2021 23:38:10 +0000

Hi!

I’m really struggling with figuring out how to create a consequence and follow through on it when my child hits me. I am being very strong, holding his hands, not letting him hit me, but I feel that I need to back this up with something because he continues to do it. And he does not hit me when he is upset. He is definitely doing it to see what my reaction what I’m going to do about it. Is just stopping him enough, or should I add to stopping him (I really think he needs this) and stay consistent each time?

By: Briana

Briana — Sat, 09 May 2020 21:11:49 +0000

Great ideas. Thank you for sharing. My question is how does this affect a child as he or she grows up? Yes, I would like to set boundaries and have my child respect them. However, there will be people (other children, teachers, and as they get older their peers, supervisors, significant others) who may present unreasonable boundaries/wants. The child needs to understand you don’t have to comply with everyone. How does that learning happen?

By: Anouska Lyons

Anouska Lyons — Tue, 31 May 2016 03:16:13 +0000

HI Janet loving your podcasts – do you have one on getting perspective right – because sometimes i can have the right words but my heart is wanting to say something quite different! I’m the scary mum who says ‘sorry i wasnt there to stop you with gritted teeth’ Thanks Anouska

By: janet

janet — Tue, 26 Apr 2016 04:12:09 +0000

In reply to Allison Vivian Fine. Aww, I imagine you did quite well. You had a huge amount on your plate and your children sound wonderful! I have a daughter at Vassar :) If anything, this approach would have probably made your job a bit easier.

By: Allison Vivian Fine

Allison Vivian Fine — Tue, 26 Apr 2016 03:47:40 +0000

Well, this is wonderful! However my kids are now all in their 40’s and I failed MISERABLY AT THIS! I wish I could go back and have a do-over! I did my best being an unmarried mother of 3 with an incomplete education, terrible jobs that paid awful and undiagnosed ADHD and learning disabilities. OY. Miraculously they all turned out wonderful–oldest owns a million dollar salon, son is an actor and graduate from Vassar and youngest is an MD/PhD on fellowship at Harvard as a neurologist! WOW God gave me amazing children. I expected to be obeyed and I got angry when they didn’t. I was more Father than Mother, there was no father. There were many many ups and downs. I did my best. Life goes on.

By: Serena

Serena — Thu, 03 Mar 2016 20:23:51 +0000

When you say, “ok you wont stop splashing, I’m going to help you out of the tub now” then the child starts crying and begging not to get out, what is the next step?
I would usually say, “Are you going to stop splashing then?”, and the response would probably be yes and I would let her continue her bath. Is that ok, or is that giving her too much power?

By: Anne

Anne — Sun, 13 Sep 2015 01:23:36 +0000

In reply to Carrie. Carrie, I hope Janet will chime in here but it seems to me that her screaming is her natural reaction to the consequence, and she has a right to express her disagreement and anger over what has happened. Maybe you could say, screaming hurts my ears. Can you try speaking to me more softly? Or something like that?

By: Carrie

Carrie — Sat, 12 Sep 2015 12:21:57 +0000

I am trying to implement the techniques mentioned in this podcast, as I have tried some of the things you specifically mention that don’t work (like ‘if you do that one more time no cookie after dinner…’). I don’t think it worked and I’m not sure she gets the idea of the consequence of something being in the future. Right now my daughter who is two years old and generally loving to her 4 month old brother will scream loudly when she doesn’t get her way. So, say I just took her plate away at lunch because she started playing with her food instead of eating after the warnings like ‘I see you are playing with your food. That means you are done eating. If you keep playing with your food I’ll take it away and clean your plates because you are all done.’ She’ll scream a piercing scream and her little brother will start crying. Then she will wait until he calms down and do it again. I can understand how to stop a child from hitting by holding her arms, but how do you stop a child from screaming in a similar situation?

By: Victoria

Victoria — Sat, 12 Sep 2015 06:45:20 +0000

Love this post Janet. Great to hear your voice. Thanks for all your other awesome articles. Your advice has been so helpful to me as a parent.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Thu, 27 Aug 2015 11:44:59 +0000

I would like to subscribe to your podcast.