Comments on: How to Stop Arguing with Your Child

By: Elizabeth L Gottlieb

Elizabeth L Gottlieb — Mon, 30 Oct 2023 05:08:53 +0000

Why not just validate his feelings? That would probably help with some of the whining. Also, you don’t need to energize it. You can just say I hear you you don’t like… I totally understand you. Why do you feel a consequence is needed? curious to hear more.

By: Ajmh

Ajmh — Sat, 28 Oct 2023 14:00:31 +0000

Just want to share my experience with my 1 year old as a visual clear example of how kids need, NEED us to be solid and clear – say she’s doing something I don’t want her to do, like putting something in her mouth that isn’t appropriate – as I’m saying ‘no’ she’s really analysing my face, doing the naughty thing slowly and deliberately, then doing it again so that I react and really looking so hard at me, paying 110% attention. I give her 3 chances and then on the 3rd attempt I take the talking away and move on. Mostly now she doesn’t make it to the 3rd try, but when she does I can see its because she’s testing, she’s thinking ‘will the same thing happen again this time ?’ And then she’s not upset when the same thing does happen and the thing gets taken away.

By: Emelia

Emelia — Fri, 08 Apr 2022 04:46:20 +0000

In this situation, what would you suggest if the child refused to brush his teeth after the 5 minutes is over? My thought would be to assist the child with the transition. “I see you’re having trouble putting away your trucks… I see you’re having trouble heading to the bathroom… I’m going to help you do xyz.” But what do you do when they just refuse to do things?

By: KB

KB — Fri, 29 Oct 2021 04:04:51 +0000

In reply to Pam. Yes, this is my 6yo also. It’s not that she wants to argue. It’s that if she gets an answer she doesn’t like she’ll whine about it loudly for the rest of the day. It’s been really getting my spirits down. I feel I’ve tried everything. From reading this I’m wondering if I’m not being confident enough somehow, so I guess I’ll see if I can do more on that front. But I don’t mind holding the limit—it’s just the complaining that’s getting to me.

By: Jonathan

Jonathan — Wed, 26 May 2021 16:42:22 +0000

In reply to Pam. Yes, I’d really like some guidance in this scenario. Mu 5 year old does this and there is a breaking point for me.

By: C

Thu, 01 Apr 2021 13:34:00 +0000

In reply to Vicki.

Hi Vicki! I have a similar issue. My almost 3 year old daughter hates waking up in the morning and getting dressed. My husband wakes her up, allows her five minutes or so to adjust while he does other things, but getting dressed and using the bathroom is a struggle for her and sometimes she refuses to use the bathroom. I’m not sure how to “help” her without basically forcibly dressing her (and you can’t exactly force someone to use the bathroom!), especially given that we have time constraints. We allow about a half hour for her to wake up, get dressed, brush teeth/hair and use the rest room, and all that starts at 6:15am. She eats breakfast at daycare, but usually has some fruit to hold her over on the way. This is our routine so I dont think hunger is the issue, and she sleeps for 11 hours straight. We give her choices about what she wants to wear and what order she would like to complete the tasks in (“Would you like to brush your teeth or use the bathroom first?”) and remain calm and confident while acknowledging she “it’s hard to get out of bed and get dressed sometimes.”

By: Jemma

Jemma — Sat, 11 Jul 2020 13:36:12 +0000

In reply to Pam.

I was going to write a similar question. My 3.5yo asks “Why?” over and over when I’m setting a limit, for eg. “We’re going home in five minutes.” “How about 20 minutes!” “No, that doesn’t work for me.” “Why?” then if I answer “We have to get home to make dinner,” he’ll ask another “Why?” (and so on) or if I don’t answer: “Why? Mum, why? Why, mum?” etc… You get the idea.

Where do we go from here?

By: Vicki

Vicki — Wed, 21 Aug 2019 03:05:13 +0000

Hi Janet, further to your wisdom above what night be the next steps if yiur child then starts screaming hitting flopping to the ground…what do i do when every night bedtime routine is a fight. If i lift her into the bathroom its extreme reaction. If i turn off all the lights bar the bedroom she screams or says i dont care. If i confiscate what shes playing with she says i dont care or screams and hits. I then have herdad getting down to her level and softly or playfully engaging and pacifying. Which is better than screaming but rewards the behavior with connection. She has a 9yo brother with ADD who also did this for years. Shes started it since starting school this year. Any advice? Running away is a fleeting fantasy. Many thanks, vicki

By: Pam

Pam — Tue, 13 Aug 2019 19:18:13 +0000

I’m having similar struggles with my 6-year old, who seems to push boundaries by whining. Last night he whined on & off through dinner that he didn’t want the meal, despite me calmly saying “I hear you, you’re not into the chicken tonight.” Then again he whined through most of our after-dinner walk. Should I let him express his feeling ad nauseam, when there are SO MANY throughout the course of a normal day, or is there a healthy way to put a limit on it? Is it ok to say something like, “I understand you don’t like the dinner, no problem. But I do expect you to sit here and talk to us about your day.” What’s the consequence if he can’t stop whining? Ask him to leave the table?

By: janet

janet — Wed, 05 Dec 2018 00:56:32 +0000

In reply to Julia. Wow, that's wonderful news, Julia! Music to my ears. Thank you so much for sharing with me! Passing this approach along is my pleasure.