Comments on: Changing Toddler Sleep Habits (Guest Post by Eileen Henry)

By: Anna

Anna — Tue, 09 Jan 2024 19:04:07 +0000

18 month old, just starting daycare. Very regular sleeper before. Unhappy in general at daycare (it was a sudden start…Im grandmother, didnt have say, but on for some pickups and allied w parents in wanting best for little , of course)Its only been a few days. She’s 1) genuinely confused and disconsolate 2) strong willed. Parents will listen to any wisdom you can share, and I think, pass that along to teachers.. Janet L, this seems likeyour territory! What can I or they say to her, how be with her? She’s napping, with a little extra comfort from familiar people, at home, but just not at daycare.

By: Jennifer R

Jennifer R — Wed, 20 Jan 2021 21:38:41 +0000

I still sleep with my 3 yo son. He wakes up 1-2 times a night wailing and jumping and sometimes kicking and hitting. I think he is angry that he woke up and can’t settle down to go back to sleep. I think I haven’t had a full nights rest for 3 years, and I am constantly tired. Last night, I yelled at him and threatened to leave the room if he didn’t stop hitting me. I did leave but returned because he kept crying and yelling. I’ve tried in the past to leave him in the room to sleep by himself, and he would kick the door and yell and cry. Right now it seems easier to just fall asleep with him so I can soothe him right there when he wakes up. If I wake up in the night I slip out quietly (which I know I shouldn’t be sneaking out) but if he awakens, he runs to my room frantically saying giants and shadows and bears are in his room.

He also attends daycare and is able to take daily naps, but he will not nap for me on weekends. I don’t know how to get him to nap! My husband used to drive him around in the car to get him to sleep. But now we just let him skip nap time.

A little background, we have a 1 yo boy who sleeps very well on his own. I think my 3 yo started this dependence from infancy because I had low milk output in the beginning which made him hungry and he was on my breast for prolonged periods. and I let him pacify himself to sleep on my breast (for 2 hours at a time!) and I would gently put him to crib without waking (I know now that I should have put him in the crib awake but drowsy so he can learn to self soothe… it was all so time consuming ).

Anyway, can you please provide me some insight into 1) how do I get my child to sleep on his own at night? 2) is it okay if he’s so angry or scared or sad that he is kicking the door or frantically screaming when I leave him alone to sleep? 3) how do I get him to nap?

Thank you so much in advance for your help.

By: Kristen

Kristen — Wed, 06 May 2020 01:23:13 +0000

This was very helpful, but I’m still at a loss on how to transition my 15 month old to fall asleep on his own. We used to nurse to sleep, and we gradually stopped and I weaned him at 13 months, but we replaced nursing to sleep with holding him until he fell asleep. He then sleeps for a few hours in his crib, but upon 1st wake up we bring him into our bed, because, well we are 2 full time working parents. I don’t mind him in our bed, as we all sleep through, but rockinf/holding to sleep every night is a lot. At his daycare for naps, they put him down and he sucks his thumb and goes to sleep, but he won’t for me! How can we transition to just gently placing in crib and laying him down, I feel he is old enough now!

By: Lisa

Lisa — Fri, 10 Jan 2020 17:55:21 +0000

Hi,
I hve a 2 year old and ever since we came home with our bow 2 month old daughter my oldest decided to climb out of her crib, wake up multiple time at night, and hardly nap. She had to be switched to a toddler bed for her safety.
I know a lot of this is the new baby and bed, but it’s been 2 months and we don’t know what to do. She walks around like a zombie. She needs to nap and sleep.
She will ask for her crib and for us to rub her back and not leave.
Please help

By: Stacey

Stacey — Sat, 02 Mar 2019 19:28:43 +0000

She says that the 21 month old is 1.5 years late on learning to fall asleep without parental assistance. I take that to mean that she thinks all 3 month olds should be able to go all night without nursing. Janet, I love your blog, and your approach has been more than helpful with my toddler and preschooler. But I am very disappointed to see this kind of misinformation on your blog. You should not assume a 3 month old can go all night without nursing, they are not even old enough to offer water yet. They still have hunger and thirst needs at night. Babies and toddlers have unique night needs, and the respectful thing to do as a parent is to meet those needs. It is instinctual for babies to want to be close to their parents at night, and research proves it is safer for babies under 12 months to sleep near their mothers. 21 months is a perfect age to respectfully night wean. The toddler is now old enough to understand what is going on, and can be offered water at night while a parent stays with them and accepts their cries and disappointment while building this new boundary around night nursing. Leaving a baby in a room to cry is never respectful. Not nursing a 3 month old all night is harmful to the breastfeeding relationship. We need to distinguish that babies and toddlers have different needs, and while night weaning may be a respectful option for children over 18 months, it definitely does not meet the nighttime needs of many babies under 12 months.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Sun, 26 Aug 2018 00:26:58 +0000

My daughter is now 3 years old and a few months. Since she was 18 months old, bedtime has been a horrific disaster. She will scream, cry, kick the walls, etc once I leave her room. I have a very strict routine and always have. I’ve tried every “trick” and nothing works. I think I’ve already lost my mind. I don’t know what else to do. She finally just stopped screaming after 31 minutes. And this has been going on for almost 2 years.

Please help.

By: Amy Ortiz

Amy Ortiz — Fri, 10 Aug 2018 05:29:50 +0000

In reply to Iscah. This sounds exactly like my 2 year old. I'm not sure when you posted this comment, but did you figure anything out?

By: Lydia

Lydia — Sun, 13 May 2018 08:56:03 +0000

In reply to betsy.

Sharing what helped us in case it helps you…
I give my daughter around a week for transitions like this. We start by introducing a soothing thing that will stay constant, eg a particular song or white noise (if you don’t have this in your routine already). Do the normal routine for a couple of days while she starts to associate this thing with sleep. Then, start to make your change. Eg while singing, put her down in the crib and hold your hand on her or pat her. Wait a few minutes. If she doesn’t stop crying, pick her up and start over. Try a few times, then do things as usual and pick it up the next day. This is not a failure, it’s practice. Try again the next day. Bit by bit, she’ll probably get it!

By: Thais Perosa

Thais Perosa — Sat, 12 May 2018 16:41:14 +0000

My baby is 9 months and its been very hard to settle him to feed at 11 and then only at 6.. i dont like to let him cry too much and trying really hard to put him on a schedule but it isnt working. One night he wakes up at 11pm and then at 3-4 am. Other nights he goes till 1-2am and then sleeps till 6am. I’m so tired as i have another toddler with 3 1/2 yo. How to make him sleep throughout the night so i can rest as well please? Going insane.

By: Dhvani

Dhvani — Sat, 12 May 2018 02:23:28 +0000

Thank you for article. I have 9 month old whom I nurse to sleep for nap and bedtime . She wakes up 3-4 times for comfort and feeds in her 12 hour night sleep .i would like her to give opportunity for her to self soothe and break this habit of nursing to sleep. Should I start now or wait until she is todfler and change habit when I wean her. Please guide