I think it’s OK and even good to soothe, conmfort, and empathize with your child as they get their emotions out. This can look a lot of ways – naming feelings, offering hugs/cuddles, just sitting calmly with your child as they cry. It’s called coregulation and kids need it from their trusted adults. I think what Janet says is to not see the crying as something that needs to be stopped or fixed. We don’t want kids to see letting their emotions out as a bad thing, but it is ok to help them through the process if they need it. Sometimes my kids will scream and cry and I can ignore and they will get over it quickly. Other times, I see the crying start to distress them and I know I need to support them in getting regulated again.

Here,here

I loved this strategy, thank you so much. I sometimes build inner alternative ways to deal with situations, like the hero suit you’re mentioning but I tell myself I’m being immature and that a grown woman shouldn’t even consider such ways of thinking. I see how I’m not validating myself so no wonder why I often fail to validate my children’s views without being aware. I had controlling parents who’s only intention was to try to model a close to perfect human being but ended up raising a super insecure person who, now as an adult, keeps gaslighting herself, not able to tell between what self conceived strategies can work and what to discard. I find it hard to discern what’s the voice of my heart and what’s just an attempt to be the perfect being the ego keeps demanding me to become, which of course is unreachable and fictional.
I’ll try to stop ridiculing that playful voice that makes me want to try things outside what I believe are the ‘mature’ ways. I’ll try and validate that creative side of me. Perhaps that will give my kids a happier mom. Thank you for sharing a secret I have been considering as almost an unforgivable ‘sin’ in my self.

Love this! I will try to remember to sing “Girl from Ipanema“ in my head to calm down from now on…

I agree!

I don’t know how Janet would respond to this. But personally I always comfort my child when she is crying, by holding her if she wants me to, by putting a hand on her back, or by just being nearby. It all depends on what she wants. Sometimes she is angry and so doesn’t want me touching her, but staying close by to show I am there for her when she is finished, it a show of comfort too. I think if we can stay calm and ake the cues from our children we are doing the right thing. Best of luck!