Thank you for these resources! I’m looking forward to checking them out!

I’m so glad to hear that, Emily! Erica Orozco Cruz (a longtime RIE Associate who also trained with Magda) shared some of her wisdom regarding multiple or groups of children in the recent podcast: https://www.janetlansbury.com/2022/05/balancing-the-needs-of-more-than-one-child-with-erica-orosco-cruz/

And here are a couple of mine on this topic: https://www.janetlansbury.com/2015/11/outnumbered-managing-sibling-conflicts/
https://www.janetlansbury.com/2018/10/5-hints-for-raising-twins-that-will-help-every-parent/

I hope these help ease your mind. You can do this!

Thanks for your thoughtful response, that makes a lot of sense.

Certainly I do not speak in commands to adults in my life, even our nanny, which arguably could be justified (done in a respectful, gentle tone) since we employ her. But–my boss definitely does phrase things as commands (usually by email) and that’s never bothered me; it’s just her personality.

I’m sure that the strategies we employ will have to change as our child matures. And I guess the area it most seems to make a difference is a *statement* “We’re going to leave the park soon” versus “We’re going to leave soon, ok?”

I totally agree with your premise about false questions. You are right that it’s not ideal to pose a direction as a question if we’re not prepared to accept whatever answer they gave. As the same time, most children don’t take well to be ordered to do things. And most of us would not treat another loved one in our life that way, unless we were a bit angry: “put that down, please.” We’d say, “Could you please put that down? Thanks!”

Also, commanding children to do things tends to get their back up and create resistance, particularly if the child has a healthy strong will like the one is this story. I’m glad it works for you!

Also, I don’t consider this a false question because if the child couldn’t or wouldn’t do as asked, I’d follow through by doing it myself. That’s different from asking, “Would you like to go to Grandma’s now?” And then the child says no, which makes that a false question.

Thank you, Willow. Yes, a huge paradigm shift which is why most of us need plenty of examples and reminders of how this looks and feels. As a parent of 3 adult children who I delight in and am very very close with, I can’t confirm enough how worth it this is.

Love this so much. I sense it is a paradigm shift within our perspectives we may work our whole lives to fully transform…. And the resulting joyful (and authentically human) relationships with ourselves and our kids are so worth it.

You anticipate as much as possible that you don’t get stuck struggling with your child, but inevitably it may still happen. Do your best to project confidence and politeness escorting your child with an arm around their shoulders, or a hand on their back. If we come at this with kindness and a “helper” attitude, children will tend to melt into our leadership, because in their hearts, this is what they want.