The only thing I have found to work with independent tooth brushing so far is to make it into a game where you are pretending that you DON’T want them to brush their teeth and lo and behold being a toddler that loves defiance, they love feeling cheeky doing it and so will do it themselves. I got this idea from a video I saw of a parent trying to get their kids to eat dinner and turned their back on the child whilst singing ‘you’d better not be eating that… FOOD’ turning round dramatically to catch them out and the child laughing hysterically.

So I tried this with toothbrushing (‘you’d better not be brushing your… TEETH’). I did think this might be instilling that tooth brushing is a bad thing but I try to reverse that notion by saying (in a silly dramatic voice) ‘you are not the best in this land at brushing your teeth, I am!’ And need the game by giving in ‘you win, you ARE the best at brushing your teeth’ And then there’s an element of competition too. It’s not perfect and you have to put a lot of energy in for a little bit of tooth rushing but it’s the only things that’s worked so far.

This is so incredibly rude and unhelpful.

Are you going to fund and sponsor them for immigration if it’s a whole country requirement?

I’d be really curious re any suggestions about this too… I’m in a similar boat – my 15-month-old has always hated toothbrushing. Even from the beginning when there was no parental pressure (because I wasn’t worried at all when it was only two teeth! I figured they’d be fine and just wanted a positive relationship with it, and let her explore brushing).

It feels like we’ve tried everything… making it a predictable part of her routine, letting her have a go herself first every night (she’ll suck on the toothbrush but not much else), giving her choices of toothbrushes and toothpastes, toothbrushing songs, games, taking any pressure off by having a week of letting her brush herself only (ie not proper brushing), doing fun things and making her laugh (which doesn’t really work, she just clams her mouth shut again in an instant), having either or both parents brush, and other things too… she just hates and very actively resists it all.

I’ve given up and gently hold her on my lap and brush her teeth while she screams. (I can’t safely do it any other way – she flings her whole upper body backwards to get away). I stay calm and gentle and reflect her feelings back – but I hate it and so does she. In the end I guess I’m not willing to not have her teeth brushed though – because as awful as it is, and as much as it goes against my desire for gentle/positive parenting, her teeth are close-set and it would be far worse getting the necessary dental treatment to fix decay.

I’m not even hopeful anymore that there’s another solution. Just hoping that as she gets older with more language (as above) that might help. But would be so open to trying anything.

I’m in the same boat with my 28 month old. It really feels like holding him down is the only option and forcing toothbrushing. He had 2 cavities a few months ago and now 4. He has never had foods with added sugar. Although we brush twice a day, his resistance makes it impossible to clean his teeth effectively because he clamps down on toothbrush and closes mouth. It’s the most difficult part of everyday. We strongly believe in gentle parenting and acknowledge his feelings. We even have spoke to an occupational therapist and tried many methods suggested and so far have not found a solution. Dentist says to do what we have to to get teeth brushed.

My son is 15 months and has always enjoyed playing with and chasing his toothbrush but hates cleaning his teeth. We’ve tried all sorts of things and were recently moderately successful with tickling him so he laughed and then whizzed the toothbrush around, but after this we’ve felt uncomfortable like we’re tricking him and taking away his trust. After a few days of this method he doesn’t giggle when tickled which is heartbreaking. We really don’t feel comfortable holding him still . I imagine once he’s a little older language will help a lot and we can make it a fun experience but we’re at a loss for what to do until then. Do you have any other suggestions?

Hi Sarah,

We’ve found two main ways to get our daughter ready for bed. The first makes it seem like brushing her teeth or going in the bath is her idea. For instance, I’ll say ‘it’s time to get ready for bed now. What do you need to do before getting into bed?’ Then she’ll say get my pjs on, & go do it! The second way is more immediate. If I want her to go upstairs quickly, I make it into a game. ‘First one upstairs is the winner!’ She hates losing, so runs upstairs.

Hope one of these methods helps.

Best,
Kim

I found this podcast helpful but still really struggle with what to do when my nearly 3 year old won’t physically do what I need her to do (go up the stairs, get out of the bath). She physically pins her arms to her side so I cannot lift her and then the way I have to pick her up feels like I’m being forceful and I’m really uncomfortable with that. I then become unruffled because I’m upset that I’m in the position where I’m having to act in a way I’m uncomfortable with to get her to do something that I need her to do. I could wait for a month of Sunday’s for her to physically do it herself. How should I physically deal with these situations? I’m so lost.

My pleasure!