Comments on: The Gift of Intrinsic Motivation

By: janet

janet — Thu, 07 Oct 2021 20:13:15 +0000

In reply to Victoria. Those sound to me like lovely celebrations, not a reward, per se. I'm sorry you've had struggles with self-confidence and I don't doubt that your care and thoughtfulness in raising your son will help him to avoid those kinds of struggles.

By: Victoria

Victoria — Thu, 07 Oct 2021 05:26:34 +0000

When I was a child my mother used to take us for ice cream after things like performing in the school play, parents evening, good grades etc. I always saw this as celebrating successes rather than a reward and did plan to continue this with my 1 year old as he goes through childhood. It was a nice way to decompress and talk things through after something that I may have been nervous about. But, Where do you think this kind of thing sits within what you have said about intrinsic motivation though?
Personally, I struggled with self confidence which definitely held me back in young adulthood. as I’m approaching my 40’s I now find I am able to be my authentic self and the sense of freedom is incredible.
Therefore the biggest gift I want to give my son is to send him out into the world knowing who he is and being who he is unapologetically.

By: Felisha

Felisha — Fri, 27 Sep 2019 17:31:33 +0000

Wow! I was just speaking about this with a friend! Unfortunately, we started rewarded our daughter years ago when she got good grades. This was before I started reading and listening to your podcasts. Our intentions were to acknowledge her hard work and excellence. Also, it was a chance for her to get some financial experience since she “earned” a few bucks and would be able to decide how to manage it. Now she is in 6th grade. Would you recommend stopping this or should we continue and just reinforce our love and acceptance no matter the grades? Aren’t we rewarded as adults when we do a good job with raises, bonuses, and such? Gosh I wish I had known these things when she was a baby. Trying to right all the wrongs seems a bit daunting. We do the best we can with what we know I suppose.

By: Gentle Parenting vs. Punitive Parenting – Tending Lambs

Gentle Parenting vs. Punitive Parenting – Tending Lambs — Thu, 25 Apr 2019 10:35:39 +0000

[…] The Gift of Intrinsic Motivation (Janet Lansbury) […]

By: janet

janet — Sun, 12 Nov 2017 14:50:53 +0000

In reply to Ellen Williams. Hi Ellen! Aww, thank you for saying such kind things! I often wonder what Magda would think about her ideas being spread so widely via the internet. I hope she'd be happy and proud. Regarding your son, I would honestly not worry about his intrinsic motivation and other things becoming "undone." As his parent, you have by far the most profound influence in these matters and you have already given him the guidance that is at his core (and will continue to do so). I wouldn't judge him for focusing on rewards, etc., if that is encouraged at his school. He will pass through this with his intrinsic motivation intact if you continue to trust his process and believe in him.

By: Ellen Williams

Ellen Williams — Sun, 12 Nov 2017 08:01:47 +0000

Janet,

I appreciate the encouragement and inspiration. I am struggling with the constant rewards, bribes, coercing, and punishment that goes on at my son’s elementary school. He’s in kindergarten. PBIS, it feels, is undoing my child’s intrinsic motivation (and many other things we’ve all worked so consistently to encourage).

“Sensitive awareness of our influence is the key to protecting their developing sense of intrinsic motivation.” has supported me in hoping, trusting, and waiting! I hope and trust he will come back to himself and to wanting to do things for the right reasons, in time.

You are one of my heroes and I know Magda would be extremely proud of your advocacy for children and parents everywhere!

~Ellen 🙂

By: Ellen Williams

Ellen Williams — Sun, 12 Nov 2017 08:01:41 +0000

Janet,

You are one of my heroes and I know Magda would be extremely proud of your advocacy for children and parents everywhere!

~Ellen 🙂

By: janet

janet — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 14:51:38 +0000

In reply to Erin Killian. Hurray! I'm happy to be able to support your instincts. Your boy sounds right where he's supposed to be. Enjoy!

By: Erin Killian

Erin Killian — Fri, 29 Sep 2017 05:45:16 +0000

Thank you for the reminder. I have three boys — 5 (almost 6), 3 and 1 year old. The (public) school wanted us to move our 5 year old to first grade because he can read and write and do basic math, but we decided for his emotional health to keep him in K. Then I was talking with a friend yesterday who has her 5 year old in piano and I felt a twinge of, “Am I letting my boy down because he’s not in scheduled activities yet?” I know it would be too much for our family. He loves to read and write and ride bikes and play with this brother. We take him camping and on trips so I know he gets experiences that fulfill him. He’s mentioned wanting to try soccer, and we’ll look into that next spring. But we generally don’t do extra curricular activities yet. and I’m pretty sure that’s ok, but I do feel strange sometimes — like I’m letting my kid down. This article made me feel better — so thank you.

By: Kelly Spauldimg

Kelly Spauldimg — Fri, 29 Sep 2017 02:31:30 +0000

Yes your child's affirmation of what worked is a blessimg! It's never too late to start