My pleasure, Javina! x

Yes, babies do need to be touched and held. I’m not sure I understand what you are questioning? I wrote: “children need to be touched and held, but this need isn’t constant…” Going with our instinct to hold a baby is a wonderful thing. Magda Gerber suggested, “When you hold an infant, hold him not just with your body, but with your mind and heart.”

I was also thinking this!

Yes, I was thinking the same!

The last months I have felt very tired and stressed at work and this has affected my parenting style. I notice that it is so much more difficult to do self care and reacting with confidence in this circumstances … which is when you need it the most. It really forces me to stop and reasses my priorities and lifestyle.

It is hard work and I can’t help but think that ‘want nothing time’ with myself and with my kids needs a conscious effort to be protected. And that our expectations as to what we can do within a day needs a constant reality check.

Thank you for all you do Janet!.
Javina

“… There are feelings driving it that need to be expressed and holding the limit helps do that. In other words, the child’s action does not usually reflect a need for physical connection with the parent, but rather a need for a boundary from the parent to push up against so that feelings can be shared.”

Wow.

This bit really clarified something deep for me- the true function of a boundary and so helpful in order for me break down what is actually false kindness in me at times: it’s actually just fear. Fear of the wave of ”something” that is coming down the pike that needs to be expressed. Triple wow thank you.

Amen!!! Well said!!

She softened. Her whole body just relaxed: I saw her, I heard her and she appreciated it. She said ok and went back to her spices.

Another experience today: I needed my daughter to stop interrupting my husband and me for a five minute family meeting. I remembered to get up from my chair and go over to her. It came out a bit strong and she got quiet, but I could tell she didn’t feel good about herself (I am getting really really really good at no longer imitating my mother’s tone, but a bit slipped out, because I didn’t nip the problem in the bud and frustration had seeped in).

So, I went back over to her (she was up on a chair playing restaurant on the counter) and redid what I had inadvertently done a moment earlier: I startled her by talking to her just out of eyeshot. Quietly, I said, Does this startle you too? She looked at me and saw I was smiling and we laughed. And then I repeated this a few times, at her request, and then she just leaned in for a hug. I apologized for startling her the first time, telling her I hadn’t meant to do that, and we were just quiet for a bit. My husband and I got to talk uninterrupted and my daughter didn’t feel banished.

I do best when I read you every day (I used to just read during a crisis, then I said, read weekly, then I said at least every three days and then my parenting just got more fluid, graceful, empowering, peaceful, fun, less exhausting and more delightful, so I switched to everyday). Thank you for having so many angles at which to look at parenting with, so I can learn something new everyday and go to bed each night more and more proud of myself.

This self-care article is vital. I re-read it frequently.