You need specialised parenting advice and Janet’s wonderful but it’s general parenting advice. While you’re on the waiting list, read the Explosive Child by Ross W Greene. Also visit livesinthebalance.org. There is also this great resource https://www.additudemag.com/author/ross-w-greene-ph-d/

The underlying teaching is similar to Janet’s: No bad kids.
Greene’s philosophy is: Children do well when they can. When kids have explosive behaviours, it’s because their environment is asking more of them than they have the skill to deliver.

Love yourself, love your son, love your daughter. If you have a partner, involve him or her. If there is a partner, you cannot carry this on your own because the child needs the parent to act as a unit. Make him or her understand the urgency of this. Make special one to one time with each child if you can. Even if only for 15 minutes playing Lego or a card game. I’m speaking from experience. It is hard, but it can get better.

I have found preempting that is the answer. So have this conversation within arms reach, really pay attention to them so you detect just before they run and get their hand then. After a week or so of this, my son got the idea of what was going to happen and fights less.

I am so glad and can’t thank you enough for your kind support. Please be good to yourself.

I would welcome this too. My son is 7.5, daughter 5. I have been yelling a lot recently.

I feel for you but please don’t take it out on your 3 year old. I’m sure it is not easy for her to live with him either. His behavior sounds super concerning and dangerous to be honest with you.

Did you read what she wrote? Self-care is not going to prepare a person to handle the type of yelling she described. “Taking care of yourself” is also extremely vague. What sorts of practices did you have in mind that you know, just by reading her post, she must not be doing? You mention calming down away from the verbal abuse. I have not been to Haggard Mom’s house, but in my own, if a kid we’re yelling at me, the best I could do is go into the one bathroom that locks…and if he wanted, I would still hear everything as if it were right beside me….because it would be. And then there are things that need to get done in the morning, so while I could take a 5-10 minute “break,” then I’d have to go back to the cursing hurled at me.

Hugs to you, Haggard Mom. I have no solutions, but I really help some of those services come through. We were not made to do this alone.

99% of the time my kids go to bed in the (clean) clothes they will then wear to school/daycare the next day. If someone’s in night diapers, put the underwear over it, then you can just toss the diaper in the morning and go. Doesn’t help with the after-bath dressing issue you have, but absolutely streamlines the morning routine.

Explain your mistake to her, and why you made it. “I’m sorry I was harsh, and I regret yelling. I was overwhelmed with something that is not your fault, and I made a mistake by yelling. I will do my best to make a different choice the next time I have those bad feelings. Do you understand? Are you ok?” (Or similar – you get the idea).
That’s the best I’ve come up with when it happens. I don’t have a special needs child, but I’ve been in that headspace. I try to model handling overwhelming feelings so hopefully mine will be better at it than I am. And I feel like (or hope) emotional honesty can overcome most hurdles. Oh, and don’t forget to then call a mom friend who will validate you and tell you your kids will be just fine.

I was laughing too. “Taking by the hand” usually means the child collapses on the floor and screams for an hour or more. I have two ruptured discs in my back, and I cannot physically pick up a child and bring them to where they need to be.