You have opened my eyes up to her true feelings, so I am able to be more thoughtful and on target for what she needs. Because she had connected so joyfully with me all morning, her transition to her father needed a bridge. Yes, she wanted to be with me, but I knew I needed to stay home and gather myself, so I wouldn’t check out during family time.

I suggested to my husband he become a horse and connect with her in a fun way for a bit, before we suggest she get dressed. They played and the transition was successful.

You have taught me to recognize her true needs and that there are No Bad Kids. I was raised being told I was a bad kid … but, I was just a kid. And, I am so much more aware of myself when I start acting or sounding like my mother. In the midst of being mad at bedtime, my daughter looked at me and I pointed to my mad face and then whooshed my finger in a circle and she watched me go from mad to glad: I had promised I wouldn’t do mad face anymore. Her face lit up and I was able to get in the moment: breathe, stop the noise in my head (not believe it) and remind myself my husband would be back (he had worked leaving me alone for a couple days–I do not have a support system).

The more reasonable I become, the more reasonable my daughter becomes. But, I now actually welcome and expect and need her blow-ups: release your energy in a safe place with all of my love. I am now taking better care of myself, so I can be completely present for her needs.

I guess bedtime was the worst in my house growing up, because a real dread comes over me when it approaches. So, I now really touch base with myself to notice the calm during book time, because I noticed how nervous I actually was. I am inviting myself into my adult life where I am no longer victim to the whims and trials of my mother and brothers. It’s cell memory, it seems.

Thank you for your vulnerability, your revelations, your insight. I am understanding what it means to be a parent and I feel as though I am becoming whole in my practice.

Hi Michael! Wow, thank you, your comment is so heartening. You are so welcome. Your daughter and the children you work with are very lucky indeed. Keep up the wonderful work! x Janet

As an ER physician I too find myself caught up in this unfortunate circumstance in children’s lives. I often treat children who have been taken into protective custody just like the ones this officer is describing and it has always been incredibly difficult to try and navigate the emotional and sometimes physically traumatic experience they are going through.

My daughter is only just over 1y now but I didn’t even realize how much RIE had become a part of me until a few months ago when I was seeing an infant of just a few months old and found myself talking her through my physical exam (“I’m going to listen to the sounds your heart makes now”, etc). I chuckled audibly as I realized I was doing it and also that the child’s mom was looking at me a little perplexed. The more children I see with RIE on my mind the more I am convinced how valuable it is. Whether its talking a child through a painful procedure like getting a blood draw or just letting me look in their ears and press on their belly, I think the respect they feel from a RIE approach creates a trust and comfort that is so valuable. It has truly changed the way I interact with my pediatric patients (and my own one at home!).

Thank you so much for your teaching, I’m looking forward to practicing it for many many years to come

A quick update (and the post was powerful! I read it)
My daughter did end up crying a bit, I was told. At home she said, “It was too long,” and I said I felt sad, too. She asked if I cried and I said I did. She said, You cried? I didn’t hear you (sweet).

The next morning, in my lap, saying she didn’t want to go, she shared an experience with a kid in class. I realized then she had cried because she is learning to communicate with others and needed my help. I told her I would let her teacher know she just needs help talking with the other children sometimes.

She listened as I mentioned this to the teacher (she needs help building the bridge of communication with others) and the teacher was SO THANKFUL for my insight. I left there so relieved because I WAS HEARD.

My daughter did not cry today : )
Once out of the school she koala hugged me and then my husband all the way home (two blocks–our brave girl)

Thanks, again! And, yes, I did do it, I put all of your teaching into practice and I love it.

You are so welcome, Marian! You did this. I’m thrilled to be able to support you, and I deeply appreciate all your kind, encouraging words.

I am not posting directly to this post, I just had to find a way to contact you.

We dropped our 4yo off at school for the first time and she blew me a kiss and waved good-bye. ONLY because we have read your books, read your site and listened to your podcasts did we have such a beautiful transition.

Truly, I cannot thank you enough for your commitment to children and parenting. I loved that I simply said, Yes, you want me there with you, when she expressed this at 6a. By 8a, she was saying, OK, I am ready to go now.

She was in my lap at 6a, not knowing I was weepy, but being strong and calm for her. I talked about it all just enough, simple sentences and scaffolded her comments. I have separation issues, because of my being tossed out into the world so early and without support, but I am able to see she has a different upbringing and I can celebrate that about her.

Thank you thank you thank you for helping me re-raise myself, teach my husband and bring love, security, fun and true feelings felt into our home. Of course, the love has always been here for her, but I have been more loving toward myself, less like my own mother, with words of encouragement and true understanding that I am absolutely doing the best I can and my best is working out well for my daughter. I am not putting down my mother: wow, she had it tough and did her best. I feel much compassion for her and am sorry she has passed.

Thank you for getting up each day and committing yourself to us and the world’s children.

Marian

I agree! And as a social worker/therapist in a school, I also see where this could help teachers in our urban or other high trauma areas. It is really part of being trauma-informed. Love it! Thanks, Sally