Comments on: Solo Engagement – Fostering Your Toddler’s Independent Play

By: Laurie Serratore

Laurie Serratore — Tue, 26 Oct 2021 19:20:22 +0000

Thank you for addressing the issue of independent play. Both my husband and I became parents later in life (mid 40’s) so our son is an only child and I often feel guilty that he doesn’t have playmates around. We sometimes hear “will you play with me?” where sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes the answer is no. We both work f/t so are either doing other things or admittedly so just don’t want to play at the moment so I am happy to know that it is good for him to play independently and that hopefully we haven’t completely broken his little 3 year old heart.

By: Jimmy

Jimmy — Thu, 15 Dec 2016 20:46:52 +0000

Hi Janet
Fully believe in the concept of self play, the tricky part is getting them to do it. I believe we have pretty good briefs w our son (2yrs old) about how he is going to play by himself for 10mins while I do the dishes, then afterwards we will play cars etc… I calmly say no when he asks me to play or trys to grab my leg to pull me over. We have been doing this for a month but there are still big tantrums and screams which we don’t cave into. Any tips or techniques? Should we try a more subtle walk away approach or stick w the clear boundaries? Does it just take time ?
Thanks
Jimmy

By: huma

huma — Sat, 27 Aug 2016 08:42:56 +0000

My son is 11 months old. He gets bored easily and is showing tantrums when pushed to do a certain task and starts crying. He does not crawl. Is it ok. How can I make him engage in some activity for long. I am a freelancer. I try to be with my kid mist of the time. But it is not helping. What to do?

By: Erica

Erica — Mon, 30 Mar 2015 00:45:42 +0000

Hi there Janet,
We recently set up a yes space for our daughter where she can engage in uninterrupted play with open-ended objects. However, she has a hard time being in there alone. Do you have any suggestions for encouraging her to play in this space while we are in view in an adjacent room?

Thanks!
Erica

By: Deez

Deez — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 17:11:33 +0000

hi.. this is so useful post.. i have a son 28 months old… he just joined playschool but cries a lot.. though he comes back happy but leaving him is a nightmare
to make it worse, he throws up all his breakfastand has lost weight since he joined preschool.
pl advise how to tackle this? is it possible that hes not ready for it.. i am with him all through the day and he doesnt do much solo play
thanks for your reply

By: SongbirdMama

SongbirdMama — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 23:49:56 +0000

Hi Janet,
This is a great post! I have an extremely intelligent and verbal newly 3-year old son and one challenge we’ve always had is playing independently. I don’t understand this, because I did some RIE work with him as an infant, and he did have my focused attention at diapering times and meal times, etc. But, my husband is extremely busy, so most of the time he was used to one on one with mom. But we had another baby in the fall, and now I do have to divide my attention and this isn’t going as well. In fact, especially recently, he becomes very frustrated playing and starts whining or screaming at his toys if he can’t get something to work the right way (like legos or a puzzle) and throws the item. How can I get him to come into a better relationship to play in these instances?

By: Kerry

Kerry — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 00:12:34 +0000

In reply to janet. Hi Michelle, I would love to hear more details as well. I am in almost the EXACT same situation -- almost three, advanced language, in Montessori school, but he does participate in his class activities. Just has no interest whatsoever in independent play at home. Exhausting.

By: janet

janet — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 14:56:15 +0000

In reply to Michelle. Hi Michelle, I would like more details! What kinds of lessons does he do in his Montessori school? Did you say he's NOT interested in the lessons? What do you do to stimulate him? What does he like to do?

By: Michelle

Michelle — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 13:59:22 +0000

In reply to Barbi. Thank you for posting. I am in a situation where my almost three year old needs me around all the time. He sometimes does not seem happy unless I am fully engaged! He is in pre-school now (Montessori) and his teached has noticed if not interested in most lessons. He is extremely advanced in his language and it almost seems like I always have to keep him overly stimulated. It can be exhausting and I really want him to experience the wonder of independence.

By: janet

janet — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 03:52:49 +0000

In reply to MLR.

Hi MLR,

Yes, please get over your guilt! It is not helping you or your wonderful daughter. One thing I may not have emphasized enough in my recent posts about independent play is that it only works when it is balanced with periods of focused attention. Just make sure that you are paying attention when you change your daughter’s diapers, give her meals, bathe her, and put her to bed. When you do those things attentively you can feel certain you have given her the “quality time” she needs. Anything beyond that is icing on the cake.

Don’t worry about your daughter being a bossy leader. Those qualities will serve her well in life as long as you set consistent limits. She is at the age where she really wants to feel those boundaries (even though she doesn’t tell you that). Don’t let guilt get in the way of giving your daughter the boundaries she needs.

I wish you lived nearby, too. I’m excited about the (soon to be unveiled) addition to my site — a community section. The goal will be to create support groups in a city near you…

Please stay in touch! 🙂