Or is this just a process he has to go through to come out the other side. I was with him but I unfortunately didn’t step in and stop the doctors. He has alot of anger toward me and he even said once he thought I was one of the docs (bc I had to wear and mask and gown like them) I feel like he needs this release bc he WILL NOT CRY. He only has vague memories.

I see other parents like how do I get my Child to stop crying and I’m like Oh I wish I had that problem. He just sucks the tears back. He’s afraid to cry I think bc it reminds him of crying while being “tortured” and he doesn’t want to feel.that again.

Thanks!

Wow that’s really inspiring! I wonder if you might share how things came to change for you. I’m in the thick of it right now with my 7 year old. We’ve moved internationally and have a new baby at home. She has explosive anger, seemingly out of nowhere and it’s mostly directed at me. I try so hard to give her as much attention as I can, every single free minute I try to play with her or talk to her as that seems to help (and am therefore completely neglecting myself). But still she has explosive tantrums no matter how much love and time I give her. It’s hard to have confidence in these moments. I wonder if I’m being too permissive and if I should have stronger boundaries on not tolerating that kind of abusive and hateful language. I also fear for the younger one witnessing this kind of rage, because it is stressful and also it sets an example. I’m hoping I’ll be in your shoes in a couple years because right now things feel scary.

Our 8 year old sounds so similar. I describe his meltdowns as explosive. He hits and tries to hurt me, throws things which often end up broken.
I try to give him space, but he comes at me and I find myself restraining him to protect myself – do you find this?
I hate holding him but I don’t want to get hurt and I don’t want things being broken.
As for the motivation part, I agree, points are not the way to handle this, you’re right.
I’d love a little more guidance too on how to handle this oh so hard physical aggression during meltdowns.

I think the reason she did not give her son space when he wanted is because there was a problem from the night before that was not resolved. the Mother realized that her son needed to express himself in order to reconcile the issue from the previous night.

I had the exact same thought listening to this podcast, and came here to ask the same question (and, also like this commenter, am such a huge admirer of your work and recommend your books and podcast all the time). The celebration of the mother ignoring her son’s request for space made me really uncomfortable. I would love to hear you address why this is OK (and perhaps also touch on how it relates to teaching our children about consent). Thank you for all that you do!

This mum literally deserves a medal. I hope she reads our comments because I think she is heroic. She’s now my number one role model for how to deal with all these waves! I feel lucky that my seven year old was once that angry five and six year old. He is now the picture of emotional awareness and calm, and I didn’t handle the situation anywhere near as well as this amazing mama. Never ever did I get to the point of healing that she and her son have done, and my son has pulled through (for now). So I just want to say to her that is does pass, the explosive and sometimes cruel child can come out the other side. It doesn’t last forever and even if it does, it looks like she’s completely bossing it!

Ashli has a good question, which I have as well. When do you know that your child really needs space vs. when they don’t? I just encountered this tonight (again) with my LO and gave the space that was asked for. That helped to de-escalate the situation.

I also love the part from your daughters’ interview that you call out as well. That insight about adults having tantrums was a huge AHA moment for me.