This hit home for me. Thanku!

I really want to be there and be accepting his feelings but wonder if there is something i am doing to trigger or continue the outburst?

He will often say during these emotional moments “don’t touch my body” or “I want my space” or other words along those lines, . I want to respect what he is saying, however I am holding him to keep him safe from hurting himself or me, or damaging objects.. is there a phrase I can say to him that tells him this simply, I’ve learnt that the less words said, the quicker the calm down, as he processes all those massive feelings.

Appreciate your time and any thought you have.

I think once they get the attention they are really seeking they will not feel the need to cry so much. I think what its hard to get about what this post is about is that it IS ok to cry. We worry so much that we will create the type of adult that is some kind of diva, but i believe that those kinds of adults come about because their true needs were not really met, they were just placated with things when they cried. I would try to find some time in the day to let your daughter know that you understand things are a little stressed in the house right now, what with her brother finding walking frustrating, and mum and dad finding his frustration frustrating also! empathize with that feeling, and maybe she wont feel the need to get your attention at other times when she doesnt really want it for what shes crying about, but just to say “hey, im here too! whats going on with you guys?”. I WOULD empathize without a great deal of drama about the little things like a scratch on her hand “you’re still thinking about that scratch aren’t you? Did it hurt when you did it?” and then try to hear her REAL cry, which might be “spend some time with me!” and address that. If you cant right then, say “would you like to do something together? I’d like to too, but i have to do dinner right now. When i’ve finished making dinner i will come and be with you”. When your son is crying about not being walked about, i would hear that as frustration, not something to “fix”. It will be hard for him because so far he has had you guys “fixing” his frustration, but in that he is also learning that he cant fix his own problems. The rie advice is to acknowledge the frustration, empathize, but dont fix it. It takes some practice to not get anxious when we hear them crying, but if you read more of jannets blogs and podcasts about this type of thing you will get a clear idea of why its ok for him to cry when he is frustrated and why its ok for you to not try and stop that crying by saving him all the time. I hope this helps, it has taken a long time for these methods to really sink in for me too, we cant rush our own learning any more than that of our kids 🙂

Thank you, Jami! I think your son is letting you know that he needs a boundary around nursing, so that he can stop using you as a drinking fountain every few minutes. He needs clarity. “You want to nurse again. We’ll be doing that after lunch” (or whatever you decide). Be calm and confident and accepting of his objections to the plan.

I am wondering how you came to the conclusion that I advised: “never play with our kids.” Of course, it’s wonderful to play a board game together.

I’m also unclear as to your question… What is it that you are asking?

I have an 8 month old boy and a 2 year old girl. My boy is very vocal he cries and moans a lot! he is trying to walk and doesn’t like sitting down so much but I haven’t got all the time in the world to walk him about and he’s not keen on the Walker. He does like a lot of attention from me. Sometimes he really gets to me and my husband as he doesn’t stop moaning no matter what we seem to do with him and we sometimes we get angry and shout out of frustration (which I am ashamed to say). I just keep thinking it is a phase and it will pass. But now my 2 year old girl who is so sweet, cries all the time about anything and everything! If I say ‘please stop climbing up the chair that is dangerous’ she will cry, sometimes it is pretend cry that if ignored will turn into a real cry and other times she just stops and moves on. She has the tiniest mark on her wrist and she shows it to me a few times a day and says ‘aw look an bardie’, I’m getting lost for words on what to say to her about it. Do I say oh its fine don’t worry or do I say aw I can see that you have a bardie give it some time and it will go? I think she sees my son getting attention by crying and is doing the same but what do I do to show her and my son that they don’t need to cry to get my attention?
Thanks!