I found this post really interesting because I’ve been struggling with my two since my daughter was born 15 months ago. My recently turned four year old is having a hard time adjusting and he can be very physical with his sister. From the time she’s been four months he’ll hit her, jump on her, grab her etf. We got her a playpen to keep her safe but, her she’s outgrown it for awhile now.

My question is how do you apply the above to children with a bigger age gap? For example my four year old son is very into building and my one year old is very into knocking buildings down! He understandably gets really upset when she knocks down his buildings. I have to intervene in this situations because he will hit or push her as soon as he’s annoyed and she’ll get hurt. I feel like I’m constantly referring because if I don’t the one year old with get hurt. Sometimes I jump in when I don’t need to because I think he’s about to hurt her and that’s not fair to my son.

I’ve tired different things. Sometimes my son will build in the playpen but then my daughter instantly tries to get in and she cries when I say no and my son screams ‘get her’ when he sees her trying to get in.

I also feel like I’ve gotten into the habit of giving in to my son alot and removing my daughter so he doesn’t end up hurting her. I’m probably guilty of trying to avoid big meltdowns from him as well.

In extremely sleep deprived at the minute and have a short fuse. I just feel like I’m not getting the boundaries and leadership right. I feel like being a mom at the minute is very stressful because I’m constantly referring and keeping the peace. I have a lot of guilt about not being able to stop my son hurting my daughter especially in the early months. It’s like I failed both of them. She is wary of her brother now and cries very easily with other children as if she assumes she’s going to be hurt. My son has also been badly judged for hurting his sister. Both my husband and I have not responded empathetically to my son at times because it’s very hard seeing a baby get hurt..
I hope this makes sense!

Thanks for all your articles and podcasts.

Michelle