Comments on: Mean Words, Aggressive Behavior, Stalling, and Other Signs Kids Need Our Help https://www.janetlansbury.com/2023/10/mean-words-aggressive-behavior-stalling-and-other-signs-kids-need-our-help/ elevating child care Fri, 24 Nov 2023 19:15:26 +0000 hourly 1 By: David https://www.janetlansbury.com/2023/10/mean-words-aggressive-behavior-stalling-and-other-signs-kids-need-our-help/comment-page-1/#comment-133053 Tue, 21 Nov 2023 12:05:42 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=22429#comment-133053 Thank you for this and all your podcasts. I love your work and it has been immensely helpful for my own parenting journey.

I have a minor nitpicky kind of question about something you say in this episode. In response to the girl calling her sibling stupid, you suggest saying “I can’t let you say that.” This seems strange to me because we can’t really control what our kids say or don’t say. Do you mean there should be some kind of consequence or action we should take if the behavior continues? I understand that what we say is less important than our attitude when we say it, but “I can’t let you say that” still feels like an empty threat to me, or even a challenge. I think if I said that to my child, he would call his brother stupid more just to see what I would do about it!

I don’t mean this as a criticism, I am just generally confused by the right approach in theae situations, and I would appreciate any insight you have on this topic.

]]> By: Lilyana Tsonin https://www.janetlansbury.com/2023/10/mean-words-aggressive-behavior-stalling-and-other-signs-kids-need-our-help/comment-page-1/#comment-133023 Fri, 03 Nov 2023 21:52:42 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=22429#comment-133023 Hi, Janet! Thank you for your work, I’ve relied so much on your guidance throughout my parenthood journey… Still wondering daily if as a parent I’m getting it more “right” than “wrong” … but I am hoping that even not being “perfect”, the effort and intention to do better and be better daily is what makes us good parents at the end of the journey. As, of course, we love those creatures with our whole heart and we want the best for them, including the best parents 🙂
So my question here is related to the part of the article where you discuss the six-years-old using the word “stupid”. I’ve also read through other articles on siblings relationship, and what I would really appreciate having more insight on, is when interfering is appropriate when kids are getting rough in the language? I get the idea that conflict is good and healthy and I try to let it be as much as possible. I also get the idea that a point for interference is where someone might get physically hurt. However when they are in the middle of a heated dialog, I am always wondering to what extend is it considered a healthy way to vent out their emotions and learn from conflict and when is it getting too much and the parents should intervene? My kids are 5 y.o. (boy) and 2.6 y.o. (girl). They are very sensitive, smart, vocal, loud and wonderful 🙂 Both of them are quite elaborate for their respective ages, language and talking has always been one of their strong sides. They do express themselves quite well. When they fight, the older one gets into screaming/shouting at his little sister quite fast. He is like that with us as well, a bit more careful with his tone with friends. He doesn’t often say mean things to her, mostly that she is “a baby”, but sometimes he says she is “stupid”. To be honest, often she is the one who says first that he is “stupid” and “bad”. And I wonder do I mention anything about his tone (shouting at her/us) or just let it be and self regulate with age? I’ve told him on some occasions I really don’t like when people talk to me like that and he has said “I’m sorry” but it really doesn’t change afterwards, it seems indeed it is something he cannot control right now. And as for my daughter – do I tell her not to call her brother “stupid” or let her explore that (in fact I’ve told her she shouldn’t call him “stupid” and of course nothing changed 🙂 ). I get that she is still young and probably just noticed that when she says those words, she gets a reaction. So she is very fast in saying her brother is “stupid” and “bad” when fighting. Then he would say it in return too, seldom he is the first to do it. My question is do I do anything about that? Is it just a healthy situation that is safe to go on or I should intervene? And asking that I do realise that these are not the worst words to say, but maybe I am also looking for a guidance for the life ahead of us 🙂 because I am sure vocabulary will get better and things we hear will be worse 🙂 So Janet, please please give us more wise words on what to do in similar situations? I would be so grateful if you can elaborate on this side of sibling conflict more! The physical part is more or less covered, I believe, in several articles and podcasts. But for the vocal part … I couldn’t find anything to point me to the direction that would give me confidence as their loving leader 🙂 Thanks a lot for reading me! I love your work and the love and calm you give to the world of parents!
Lily from Bulgaria

]]> By: Em https://www.janetlansbury.com/2023/10/mean-words-aggressive-behavior-stalling-and-other-signs-kids-need-our-help/comment-page-1/#comment-133010 Fri, 27 Oct 2023 22:55:24 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=22429#comment-133010 I needed this. This is exactly like my six-year-old son. He would have these big meltdowns to vent and release big feelings, then, be good to go. Now, he holds on to these feelings more and is more aggressive when he expresses frustration or anger. I know that I need to give him the space to resolve these on his own timetable and it’s hard to step back and trust him. Also, walking the line of welcoming the big feelings while containing the behavior (throwing, hitting, pinching, etc.), without making too big of a deal of it as this is now a daily occurrence. I know that this too will pass and am just trying to focus on maintaining my relationship with him while he’s going through this.

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