I had a great bit of advice for my 2 yr old who hated brushing her teeth. It’s taken a little while but she likes to play the game now of pretending there is an animal in her mouth which I have to get out with the toothbrush. This week it is a Cat so when I’m brushing I’ll say ‘Meow’ ‘oh naughty meow, he’s right at the back, let me get him!’ She finds it really funny now and if I Use a different animal sound she tells me off and corrects me that it’s a meow. An electric toothbrush also helped. She’s 2.5 now and brushes teeth no problem x

Most days, I don’t care. Other days I’m ready to run my head into a wall.

We give him a lot of autonomy to run around and explore. He cooks with us, cleans with us, goes to the store, chooses activities. We don’t yell and he has never been exposed to corporal punishment. I really don’t know what the problem is. Days like today, it is just exhausting.

Great advice! But, What happens if your child doesn’t come to the table and keeps playing and misses dinner. Then after bathtime says they’re really hungry? I won’t send my child to bed hungry, so I don’t see how to make this work. Please enlighten me! I’m frazzled to say the least 🙂

Janet, I find your methods helpful in many ways. However, I was hoping this article would touch on the power struggles at bedtime. My 3.5 year old daughter has a hard time after lights out which has become frustrating to say the least. She is fine getting ready for bed, story time, and getting into bed but once I start to leave the room, the power struggle begins. She seems to find anything to stall when I’m leaving the room (another kiss, hug, high five, tell me a secret, lay on the blanket over the blanket, 2 blankets, more stuffed animals, etc.). I have tried preparing her for what is going to happen….after the story, I’m going to give you a hug and kiss and leave the room. It seem no matter how I try to handle it, she screams when I leave the room. I know you say there is always an underlying reason for the behavior, but I cannot figure it out. About 6 months ago, my husband and I separated and when she stays with him, he allows her to sleep with him which I feel may be part of the issue although, she’s not saying she wants him or that she wants me to sleep with her which is not something I am willing to do. I welcome any suggestions you have for a peaceful bedtime for all of us.

We had a power struggle this evening with our 2 yr 4 mo old.
She had a busy afternoon making lots of mess but then we initiated cleaning up before dinner. Dad and I gave her a few minutes heads up, and then when it came time, we asked her if she preferred to clean X, Y or Z area. She just repeated “No, I want to play” and we said “Yes, playing would be fun right now. But it’s clean up time. We can play again after dinner.” Since she didn’t want to choose an area, we asked her to clean a certain cluster of toys back into the bin she dumped them from. She repeated “No” and kept finding other toys to play with, and refusing to put them away.

Dad and I would say something like “it looks like you are finding lots of toys but not putting any of them away. Right now it’s time to put them all away so that we don’t step on anything. Remember yesterday we had that owie on our foot from stepping on messy toys on the floor? That was a good reminder that we should clean when things get messy, and boy, right now things sure are messy. That’s okay, we were having fun, and we just need to clean them up again. Wow, Dad’s done a great job cleaning area X, let’s help him.”
Etc etc
Finally Dad lost his cool and slammed the bin down and our daughter got scared and cried. I said her “Oh that was scary. Dad is really frustrated but it wasn’t okay to slam that down like that. That was too rough and scary. Dad, can you come give her a hug? She needs to feel reassured from you” And he did, apologizing.
Then she returned to the “I want to play” theme. Finally, we sat her on Dad’s lap in front of the toys and bin. I held the bin. I emphasized that in our family, we are helpful, we are all here together to clean and help, isn’t that nice. But we can’t play or have our dinner or move on until this cluster is cleaned.
She refused but her eyes searched mine, very much in “testing mode”.
So I said “I think you’re wondering what I will say or do now in response. I’m just going to keep sitting with you until you clean this cluster of toys. I don’t know about you but Dad and I would love to be doing other things, like having dinner, but we are going to have to wait a while longer. That’s okay, sometimes we get stuck, and it seems like you’re stuck. ” and then she suddenly started tossing toys into the bin.

I am baffled and drained. How do we encourage prosocial, helpful behavior and enforce limits without locking horns?

You are not alone. I could have written this post.

Hi Sue. That sounds very challenging. One thing that stands out for me is that it seems you are reacting to the whining instead of working on allowing his “complaints” to roll off your back. It’s fine for him to ask you to hold his hand to help him walk, etc., but I would only do that if and when you really need or want to. I’m also wondering if that’s even necessary… Is it not better for him to work on balancing himself independent of your assistance? Regardless, I would not feel like you need to jump to please him. It’s okay for him to whine while you calmly acknowledge, “I hear you wanting me to walk with you. I’ll do that in a few minutes after I ___” Or whatever. In short, I would stop trying to fix everything that’s going on with him (the short attention span, boredom, etc.) and allow him to express his feelings, accept and trust him a bit more.