Comments on: Braving the Silence (The Secret to Nurturing Emotional Resilience)

By: Ana

Ana — Wed, 13 Apr 2022 12:25:34 +0000

Another great article. Probably the hundredth one I read, but I still found something new I didn’t quite understand before. I love it. We tend to talk as we see things with our adults lens. But with our children we can be truly raw and comfortable with just our presence for them. I always tried to talk less due to your teachings, but I still have a little to go

By: P

Tue, 06 Jul 2021 11:35:45 +0000

Hi Janet,
Wonderful article and bueatiful advice. We all want that at the end of the day. An open receptive silence that makes us feel accepted and heard.
I have a 3 year old however. The problem I face is when I am trying to be there with him during his crying sessions which are intense, he keeps asking me again and again why I did what I did. For example today he got upset when after bath he was taking too long to get dressed. He was getting distracted, acting out. So I told him if he is having trouble with getting dressed I will help him get dressed. After a few minutes when he still did not get dressed I took the socks from his hands, he was holding on to it very tightly so I had to use a little pressure. When I finally took it is when he blew off and began crying hysterically asking y I took the socks? I answered him saying because we were getting late and he was unable to do it. But he was not ready to accept my answer and kept asking me why I did it? And then said tomorrow when I do even if it gets late u let me do it. This kind of plays out every time I try to set a limit.

So I am wondering even when I am trying to remain passive and embrace the silence and just b present during his meltdowns he constantly keeps asking me which makes it difficult. Any advice on how I should b responding to this? Or am I missing something
Thanks a ton for all that you do
P

By: Brittany

Brittany — Sun, 22 Sep 2019 23:26:57 +0000

In reply to Sandra. As an adult I really appreciate silence and listening to be given to me. I also appreciate breaks and someone letting me just vent, without trying to fix my situation. I cannot believe I haven’t thought about my son’s need in this too! I’m always trying to fix situations, when sometimes he just needs to feel heard and have that silence. Thank you for this.

By: Cynthia

Cynthia — Fri, 24 Nov 2017 22:07:56 +0000

Silence is scary for adults, but not so much for kids…I find what helps to leave space for my 4-yo’s emotions is if I really am *there* with him in his distress. I concentrate on the physicality of the embrace, the sounds of his cries…even when they’re only “crocodile tears.” I rub his back or arm a little, and just basically try to enjoy the soothing effect I have on him. It’s powerful!

By: Ashley

Ashley — Sun, 11 Dec 2016 01:55:47 +0000

I love this and I learned so much from it! Thank you. I have a question though. My 2-year old is going through a phase of what I believe is testing at bedtime. It’s just started in the last week. She’ll get in her bed just fine, I lay with her, we talk about her day, sing a few songs and then I tell her good night. Normally she doesn’t resist; she simply gives me a hug and kiss and says goodnight. Lately, however, it’s at this point that she says “Mommy, I want you to lay with me a little longer.” or “I can’t find dolly” (who is right next to her) or “I want another song.” I’m guessing these are tests and I usually respond by repeating what she says “You want me to lay with you a little longer, but I can’t. I love you and I’ll see you in the morning.” However, when she begins to cry after I leave (even though it’s only for 2-5 minutes) it breaks my heart. Should I be handling this differently? I’m wondering if something is bothering her for this to have just started? However, I also can’t be back there all night, so I’m really confused on how to handle it. Thoughts?

By: Julie

Julie — Sat, 10 Dec 2016 01:11:36 +0000

This is SUCH an important message, thank you Janet. I will continue to refer back to it and also be sure to pass it on to fellow parents.

By: Shannon

Shannon — Wed, 27 Jan 2016 15:22:45 +0000

In reply to janet. I don't think silence with a technological device between you works the same way. A lesson for another time, yes, but something to point out. My daughters and I can be sitting in the same room, each with a device, and little interaction happens. Get us walking on a trail, however, and talking starts.

By: janet

janet — Mon, 26 Oct 2015 13:16:10 +0000

In reply to Astrid. My pleasure, Astrid! Thank you for your encouraging shout-out!

By: Astrid

Astrid — Mon, 26 Oct 2015 12:58:30 +0000

This is *exactly* what I needed to read at this moment in my parenting journey. I’ve been doing it wrong the last four years! I love the line: “Just letting these moments be can be as unsettling as passively watching a bathtub overflow.” It is very uncomfortable watching your child be extremely frustrated but giving them
that space to just ‘be’ allows them to feel accepted. Thank you Janet for a light globe moment in my parenting life!

By: Christina

Christina — Sun, 02 Aug 2015 13:06:18 +0000

We are so guilty of talking and talking AT our toddler as we try to fix things. What I’m still struggling with having read this article though:
Teeth brushing is a major battle for us and often ends with me having to clean my daughter’s teeth for her. I’ll now make sure I say something like “I can see you’re angry. You didn’t like that I brushed your teeth/you wanted to do it for yourself.” I know that this likely won’t stop the tantrum that comes after I clean her teeth. So having created space for that silence, then what? Do I stay with her as she screams? Or do I walk away? (When walking away I always give her an “out”, eg, I’ll be in your bedroom when you’re ready for stories) I find this hard because often the meltdown is at bedtime when tiredness is driving her testing behaviour so there simply isn’t time for a meltdown at every step of our routine.